On September 1st, 2012 I will officially begin my 66 days of self-pleasure, which could more accurately be titled 66 days of celibacy, except that I WILL be having sex. Lots of it. Just with myself and no-one else. For … Continue reading
Well we made it through the 21 Day “Shake Your Soul-Song” Pleasure Program. This was the first time that I have done something like this (and shared it with other people), so the experience was a bit of an experiment, … Continue reading
I read an article recently by a woman describing the differences between how men fantasize about us masturbating, and how most of us women actually do masturbate, which she described as a somewhat half-hazard, fast and furtive process.
Her description of female masturbation seemed very similar to the way a 14 year old boy probably masturbates, under the covers at night, stifling his sounds of pleasure, hoping -to -god no one comes in before he’s finished.
Hell, forget a 14 year old boy, that sounds like the masturbation modus operandis of most adults I know, both men and women.
Minding our P’s and Q’s…Privately, Quietly and Quickly!
Which got me to thinking about the differences between masturbation and self-pleasure.
Masturbation of course, would be the familiar scenario which I described above- one which 99.9% of adult humans can probably relate to.
So what is self-pleasuring? And how (besides the name), does it differ from our usual self-stroking?
#1) The first difference is my state of mind.
We have been taught as a society that self-stimulation is shameful, wrong, dirty, embarassing, etc.
We know that people do it, (especially men), and it’s accepted that they do, but it’s frequently thought of as a way to release physical and emotional “urges”.
Essentially a way to get rid of “too much” energy or emotional agitation. A form of stress release. Which yes, absolutely it is.
But that’s not ALL self-stimualtion can be used for- as just a genital pressure valve so to speak.
If we approach self-stimualtion from only that angle, our focus is mostly on the end result of the journey, and not on the sweet subtle communications of our body, which occur along the road to orgasm.
These subtle fluctuations of pleasure, energy and arousal are a sort of language, and when we take the time to notice the ebb and flow of sensation, (our awareness, our breath), the act of self-stimulation becomes an internal dance of self-discovery and self-awakening.
When we approach self-stimulation with an attitude of self-love and exploration, a new realm of personal connection, personal intimacy, and personal empowerment is awakened.
No longer does our sexual satisfaction lie in the hands of another!
We become responsible for our own sexual enjoyment, and we become personally empowered by the ability to meet our own needs for sexual satisfaction.
#2) Another way in which self-pleasuring differs from masturbation is the time that we devote to the activity.
No more furtive rubbing under the sheets, choking back moans of pleasure, while we attempt to set a new world record for quickest climax!
Self-pleasuring is an act of love– we are literally making love with ourselves, and as we all know that takes time.
How much time is up to you, but I recommend setting aside a good half-hour to an hour at least, just to be with yourself and explore your sexual sensations.
#3) A third way in which self-pleasure differs from traditional masturbation, is in our motivation, our intention.
In masturbation, orgasm is the goal, and we are aiming to achieve that goal as quickly and quietly as possible.
With self-pleasuring, well, the pleasure itself is the goal…. and the self-discovery that arises naturally as a result of taking time and awareness to explore our sexuality.
My personal self-pleasuring practice has facilitated the healing of some of my deepest emotional wounds.
I have healed pains that I did not even know existed, and have been rewarded with greater self-connection, self-confidence, and an inner sense of personal empowerment that only comes from directly experiencing your darkest demons, and recognizing them as unclaimed fragments of your own soul.
It is a practice that I recommend to men and women professionally and privately, and an integral part in becoming a wholly integrated and healthy sexual human being.
To learn more about how you can use the sacred art of self-pleasuring to heal your body, mind, and spirit, please visit me at femininemergence.com and get your free E-Book, 7 Keys to Sensual Satisfaction + 3 Secrets to Better Love and Sex.
As Gedun Chopel said, “if a man cannot retain his semen, a woman will never know the glories of passion”.
Glory by the way is translated as “lights, the lights of God”.
Men are capable of 5 different types of orgasm!
Men can and DO orgasm without ejaculating.
Ejaculation is just ONE flavor of orgasm!
In brief; a man squirts, losing his jing and passion, the loving is over, now he has to recover, which takes 4 to 8 days (by age).
He is turned inward energetically and… is not really available to his lover.
Also, she is unsatisfied and frustrated. The average time of penetration, until ejaculation is between 2 & 10 minutes. Think about it….it takes most people longer to brush their teeth!
By retaining he can make love for as long as he wants, and as he orgasms w/out squirt, he becomes stronger, healthier, and more present.
His orgasms feed his lover in many ways, and she is satisfied and happy w/ him.
He is not depleted and remains emotionally present w/out withdrawal.
This has a powerful effect on relationships!
The connection that results from such lovemaking is vastly deep and clear, blissful in fact.
And, he has no loss of desire for her, wanting her more than ever, and he is ready for her whenever she desires.
How do you think a woman will feel when a man takes several hours to pleasure and delight her in so many ways her head spins, and then he makes love to her until she has literally blown her mind?
Article written by Jacques Drouin
My Name is Devi Ward and this is the totally absurd story of how practicing Tantric Sex healed my soul.
I was born in 1974, the result of an inter-racial marriage. My father is of African, European, & Native American ancestry (otherwise known as black). My mother is half Polish & half Czechoslovakian, blond, blue-eyed, aka white.
My parents were married in Detroit, Michigan in 1969, just 2 YEARS after inter-racial marriage was no longer considered a felony offense in many American states.
I grew up in Maryland, New Jersey, and Michigan. My parents divorced when I was 6, and I lived with mom in predominantly white, working-class neighborhoods, while she struggled to make ends meet as a single parent.
I am what is called a “hi-yella”, my skin tone is very light, pale, even ivory colored at times. I burn easily, need sunscreen, and have sun-damage as a result of my negligence in this area.
My hair on the other hand is nappy, very curly, unruly, and a white woman’s nightmare!
Growing up, the images of feminine beauty that I aspired to all had long, flowing, straight, (usually) blond hair. All of my female friends were white, and boys liked them.
Even in 3rd grade, they were considered “pretty”, while I with the freakishly pale skin, nasty hair, and freckles was more than just an ugly duckling, I was a racial absurdity, and there was no one like me around for miles.
I was conditioned at a very young age to believe that white women were superior to me, and that white men were just plain superior.
My life experiences confirmed this belief on a regular basis, and the images of beauty that I was and still am exposed to, continue to re-affirm this culturally conditioned belief.
And then, something extraordinary and completely unimagined occurred. I started practicing Tantra. Sex that is. I started practicing Tantric Sex.
I started practicing CONSCIOUS SEX, meaning, I stopped chasing the romantic dream that had been spoon-fed to me through mainstream media as my “fulfillment”, and I chose to explore sexuality as a path of self-realization, self-awareness, and self-empowerment.
I began to experience levels of pleasure that were indescribable. I literally lost my mind, and entered altered states of consciousness, that were generated by physical-sexual-bliss.
I began unlocking emotional traumas that had crystalized in my body, and had severely inhibited my sense of self- confidence and self-worth as a woman.
Seemingly minor traumas such as; being described as repulsively ugly by these pretty white boys that society treated as young gods.
Doors that had previously been locked flew open, as a result of awakening to sensations of sexual bliss that are beyond description.
Beyond the rational workings of my conscious mind, into the as yet untapped depth of my subconscious, that which was hidden before rose to the surface, as a result of engaging the shadow of my sexuality …consciously.
I began to heal from wounds that I did not even know I had.
I began to reclaim sexual awareness… and awareness is POWER!
I wish that I could convey in words the depth and profundity of personal healing that has occurred simply as a result of practicing Tantric Sex.
It seems ridiculous, it seems absurd that SEX, SEX, conscious SEX could lead to the complete healing of wounds that were so deep and so painful, that I was unable to see them directly, and the scope of their effect upon my life and my choices.
What I discovered through Tantra, of all the weird and bizarre things, is that racism is a cultural condition.
It is a program that is introduced to us as a society on an almost imperceptible level, and maintained, reinforced again & again by mainstream media, and our cultural orientation as a whole.
Unless you are on the receiving end of the equation, you will never understand the effect of it. Never.
Just as those who have experienced the emotionally crippling effects of living in a culture indoctrinated with racism, will never understand what it is like to live without it’s shadow.
As a result of unraveling my social and cultural conditioning in relationship to sexual acceptance and normalcy, I began to unravel a much deeper level of subtle programing relating to race and social acceptance.
As I became sexually free and empowered, sexually satisfied and celebrated, a much deeper level of suffering became apparent, and the ways in which I had been sensually repressed as a woman became glaringly obvious.
The ways in which that occurred because of my race became even more so.
The divinely beautiful irony is that, the catalyst for all of this epic growth was the result of being brutally rejected by one of those superior white men, that I oh so adored, but could never quite convince of my worth.
I was in fact “dismissed”, to make way for “the great white goddess”, a woman I would always and forever fall short, according to my racial programming.
Day after day I was confronted head on with the internal belief of my inherent inferiority.
For I am not white, blond, wealthy, beautiful, and socially well adjusted. I am light skinned, nappy haired, beautiful yes, but socially maladjusted, and definitely NOT normal!
I live on the fringes of society and have yet to experience social acceptance at the level of mainstream white society.
Nor do I ever aspire to at this point. I have earned my freedom from the mainstream mind, and I intend to keep it.
I am now married to a white man, who through his love and emotional acceptance, has become my best friend, and my healer on many levels. We consider ourselves “poly-amorous”, we have the ability to love many, not just the romantic dream of one.
This for me is another example of healing and empowerment, for instead of hoarding and owning his love out of fear of scarcity or lack, as my partners friend, I truly desire his love and happiness, as well as my own.
We accept that though we may fill many needs for each other, we don’t fill all of them, and we celebrate and uphold our individual freedom to meet needs for connection, expression and joy with others and in other ways.
I continue to find it absurd that the deepest most profound healing of my life resulted from the simple practices of sexual communication, eye-contact, genital massage, and semen retention.
It’s stupid that something as obvious as SEX, could be a gateway to such internal emancipation.
The profound absurdity of my Tantric Healing, is that my fractured soul and the depth of my wound was not only revealed to me, but HEALED through simple, effective, conscious, SEX!!
I hope it will be for you as well, should you choose to walk upon that path.
Tantra…a loaded word in today’s society. Misconceptions abound, due to the many different interpretations of what Tantric practice actually is.
For some, Tantra is about learning to communicate more authentically in their relationships. For others it means learning to give & receive heart centered touch.
For many it is a path of sexual healing and sensual empowerment, and in some cases, Tantra is simply another word for hand-job.
In the Western world, what Tantra actually IS seems to depend on who is offering the service and their particular orientation to the path. I was fortunate as I embarked upon my Tantric Journey, to encounter instructors who had authentic methods to share, and were committed to engaging those methods for the purpose of healing, transformation, and liberation.
Tantra was for me, and continues to be, the sexual education that we all should have had, but didn’t get.
The absence of REAL sexual education in our culture occurs for a variety of reasons, first and foremost being the fact that, although many of the physiological and psychological benefits of Tantric sexual practices have been “scientifically” or medically proven, they are not common knowledge.
As a result, awareness of these methods (and their benefits), are not yet integrated into the conventional western approach to sexuality, which is where our so-called “sexual education” comes from.
The highest purpose for Tantric Sexual Practice, at least according to Vajrayana Buddhism, is the realization of voidness, or enlightenment.
This is achieved not through warm fuzzy feelings and deep eye-gazing (though those may occur), but through the application of physical techniques designed to enhance and prolong sexual pleasure, as well as meditative practices engaged, during the act of physical union.
Which are all great and wonderful things, but how does that actually lead to any sort of realization?
It was explained to me like this; at the moment of orgasm, the “winds” or moving energies of the genitals, brush the central channel, which is the core of our life force.When this happens, we get a glimpse or taste of voidness,.. i.e. enlightenment.
Think of that moment of orgasm, those few brief seconds of bliss, and that internal sense of freedom, expansiveness & joy… not to mention pleasure! That momentary experience is just a hint of what is possible.
Imagine extending that fleeting moment of orgasm to last several minutes, sometimes hours. Imagine experiencing the bliss of orgasm over and over again during one lovemaking session, and having the tools in your hands to repeat that experience as often as you’d like.
Quite a different state of affairs than our conventional “sex ed”.
And all of that is just a description of the mechanics, relating to the esoteric aspect of Tantra.
So what happens on the physical level during sexuality?
When human beings engage in sexual activity, the body begins producing a rich abundance of life-giving and anti-aging hormones and chemistries in the body. Some of these chemistries are not produced in any other way!
The very act of becoming sexually aroused initiates this bio-chemical process, and the more time we are able to spend in this state of sexual arousal and enjoyment, the more these life-giving chemistries are able to permeate our very cells.
A stronger immune system, increased cell renewal, improved brain function and prolonged life-span are just a few of the benefits you can count on experiencing as a result of Tantric practices.
And then, there are the emotional and psychological benefits that occur through Tantra.
We humans tend to store emotional and psychological traumas in the body and sexual organs. An emotional/psychological trauma can be as severe as physical or sexual abuse, or as seemingly minute as being emotionally rejected or hurt in some way.
Our life experiences leave imprints upon us, whether positive or negative.
The energy patterns of these imprints are held in our bodies and may inhibit our ability to relate freely with the present moment and our partner.
Tantric practices often take this into account, employing many methods of deepening the sense of connection and presence within oneself and partner. This facilitates an environment of safety and trust, which is essential for deep healing to occur.
In this environment, techniques such as vulva, yoni, g-spot and sacred sector massage can be practiced with depth and presence, and the potential for life-altering transformation can be realized.
Freedom of sexual expression, and fullness of sensual enjoyment can then be more easily and regularly experienced.
What I LOVE about Tantric practice, is that the methods are simple, easy and so very effective.
Yes, it takes courage to embark upon a path of growth. Whether you are interested in Tantra for “spiritual realization” or you simply want better sex, in order to get from here to there, some sort of growth must occur.
BUT, with the correct methods and tools, that growth can be rapid and ever so rewarding.
Like any new skill that we learn, Tantra takes time and practice (but what a FUN thing to practice!) and it is a commitment to a new way of life…a better way of life in my opinion. Time…practice… patience… growth, reward, joy, and an ever increasing sense of fulfillment in life.
I’ll buy that!
Register for your FREE Authentic Tantra Online Education Course and begin learning Authentic Tantra in the comfort & privacy of your own home, no matter where you are!
- Authentic Tantra 101~ Sexy in Vancity Radio Interview (deviward.wordpress.com)
- What is Tantric Sex? (deviward.wordpress.com)
- 10 Ways Tantra Can Improve Your Health and Relationships! (deviward.wordpress.com)
- 5 Surprising Benefits of Semen Retention! (deviward.wordpress.com)
- Why Erotic Dance is Sacred (deviward.wordpress.com)
With the goal of debunking society’s artificial standards for normalcy and beauty in female genitalia, Show Off Books released its first book, I’ll Show You Mine. A unique resource tool, ISYM contains 60 women shown in life-size full color photographs coupled with in-their-own-words stories of their experiences of sexuality in our society
My Name is Devi and this is my Yoni.
Until very recently, my primary relationship with my Yoni was one of subtle shame, though if you had asked me at the time, I would have described the feeling as “shy”. Shy, and slightly embarrassed, and in absolute fear about communicating verbally to a man about which sensations were pleasurable, and which were not. I would not have described myself as sexually repressed in any way, quite the opposite in fact. I considered myself very sexually open and expressive, and probably was by conventional standards. During the 2-7 minutes of sexual intercourse that is considered “normal” in conventional western sexuality, I remember experiencing pain in some areas of my yoni and thinking that was natural. I remember that just about the time I started to really FEEL pleasure during sex, the man would ejaculate, and it would be over. I remember having this internal sense of being rushed during oral sex, like I needed to hurry up and come as quickly as I could, because lord knows he won’t be down there for long! And gosh, if on the rare occasion he was, I felt embarrassed and uncomfortable, and had a sense of doing him a great disservice by taking so long….just fuck me now o.k?
I had my first Vulva massage at the age of 33. It lasted 5 hours and consisted entirely of my Tantric Healer massaging, exploring and pleasuring my vulva and vagina, while I verbally communicated to him about pressure, sensation, pleasure and pain. I discovered that numb and painful places inside the yoni are NOT “natural” and are indicative of subtle traumas held in the sexual organs. I discovered that every one of those physical pains had an emotional or psychological pain to go with it, and that with breath, touch, and awareness, those pains could be healed. I sat naked and upright in a chair, with the lights on and my legs spread wide open, and nowhere to hide for 5 hours. I discovered how difficult it was to stay present, and receive this touch that had no demand for a particular response. I saw for the first time how the subconscious sense of shame that I had about my yoni kept me from being able to express my pleasure openly, and completely inhibited my ability to give my partners guidance about what pressure, sensation, or stroke I would enjoy even more. Over the last 3 years I have discovered that my Yoni can have at least 5 different kinds of orgasms, and I can distinguish between an orgasm that occurs at the front, middle, or back of my g-spot. I regularly have anywhere from 10-15 orgasms in a row as easily as breathing, and I ejaculate regularly. My Yoni is now a gateway to mind-melting experiences of orgasmic pleasure and bliss, and I can confidently say that this is the potential of every Yoni on the planet.
My name is Devi and I am so honored and grateful that this is my Yoni.
I’ll Show You Mine is now available for pre-sale, to be shipped by the end of February.
Visit http://www.showoffbooks.com/products/ill-show-you-mine and enter the coupon code ADVANCE to receive the book for just $30 including shipping to anywhere in North America!
As a Tantric Sexuality Educator, one of the fundamental methods that we teach for prolonging sexual pleasure is the art of semen retention. But what is semen retention and why would one bother learning it, much less incorporating it into everyday sexuality?
Semen Retention has several different purposes, the ultimate being the cultivation of male multiple, whole-body orgasms, as well as the conservation of life-giving, anti-aging chemistries, that are generated in a man’s body during sexual arousal.
Very few people are aware that orgasm and ejaculation are actually 2 separate functions of the nervous system, and can be differentiated to the point where men are able to have a full orgasmic experience with no emission.
Dr. Charles Buchar states – ” Orgasm is a peak emotional and physical experience (relating to the parasympathetic nervous system), whereas ejaculation is simply a reflex action occurring at the lower portion of the spinal cord and resulting in ejection of semen.”
By using physical semen retention techniques or “holds”, a man is able to relax into the sensation of orgasm, without the fear of losing his essence, thus prolonging the orgasmic experience and paving the way for multiple orgasms.
The more these techniques are practiced, the easier and more natural it becomes for a man to orgasm without ejaculation.
At a certain point, most men actually prefer this type of orgasm, as it lasts significantly longer than an ejaculatory orgasm, and has the potential to be more powerful, intensely pleasurable, and downright delicious!
Most of our male students have immediately identified with the sense of physical depletion that usually follows an ejaculatory orgasm. Men rolling over and falling asleep after lovemaking is a socially accepted and supported norm. Men often use ejaculatory orgasms to “relax”, not understanding that it’s the orgasm that relaxes the body, not the ejaculation.
As a result, many conventional western sexologists actually contribute to the perpetuation of sexual difficulties, by suggesting that regular ejaculation is “good for you”.
Taoist Masters (such as Mantak Chia) have taught Semen Retention for centuries, as a method for cultivating health, longevity, and for correcting sexual dysfunctions such as Erectile Dysfunction and Premature Ejaculation.
This ancient approach to physical and sexual health can also contribute greatly to the health and happiness of our intimate relationships.
In his book “The Tao of Health, Sex and Longevity” Daniel Reid sheds some light on how semen retention can actually enhance relationships by stating – ‘ Semen essence is the fuel that drives male sexuality. It is the source not only of physical capacity for sex, but also of sexual interest and emotional affection for the opposite gender.’
Thus – “A man who maintains consistently high levels of testosterone, sperm, semen, and other male essences by practicing ejaculatory control will experience an overwhelming enhancement in his love and affection for his woman. He will also gain the capacity to act upon that loving urge over and over again.” Good news for us women!
Aside from cultivating multiple orgasms and enriching physical health, another advantage of practicing semen retention is the ability to prolong the experience of sexual union.
The average time of penetration until ejaculation is between 2-7 minutes. Wow! Very few women that I know are able to reach orgasm in as little as 2-7 minutes, and thus are left with a subtle sense of disappointment over and over again.
If left unchanged, this may lead to a persistent sense of sexual dissatisfaction, and resentment between partners.
Most men that I encounter have a sincere desire to pleasure their women for long periods of time, but the urge to ejaculate can be so overwhelming that they are unable to resist.
By both partners knowing and using semen retention techniques together, the experience of sexual union can last for as long as you both desire!
The process of learning and communicating about the methods themselves, can be a fun and playful experience that enhances intimacy, and creates a greater sense of openness and trust for you both.
Also, when the period of actual penetration is extended, it allows for a depth of emotional connection and spiritual communion that is just not possible to achieve in 10 minutes or less.
When a man is willing to retain his semen essence for long periods of time, it sends the powerful message that he is just as invested in his partners orgasm, as he is his own.
Semen Retention WITH orgasm, is a powerful method for cultivating physical/sexual health and longevity, as well as enhancing relationships by cultivating sexual communication skills, and ensuring sexual satisfaction for both partners.
In my opinion, a man’s willingness to practicing semen retention is an un-equivocal demonstration of his commitment to the health and happiness of our connection.
To learn several highly effective, fun, and easy methods of semen retention, and learn how to become a ‘multi-orgasmic man’ please see our Semen Retention Mastery ~ Authentic Tantra Online Education Course
- 5 Surprising Benefits of Semen Retention! (deviward.wordpress.com)
- The Tantra Secret Of Male Multiple Orgasms (sensualblissvoyager.wordpress.com)
- 10 Ways Tantra Can Improve Your Health and Relationships! (deviward.wordpress.com)
In regards to sexual activity, I personally, am more in favor of quality of experience rather than quantity. I very much enjoy making delicious juicy love with my partner for several hours, once or twice a week. Imagine a situation in which your partner lovingly coaxes orgasm after orgasm from your body, has his own multiple orgasms, and retains his semen, so that he is enriched and revitalized from your lovemaking, rather than physically depleted and emotionally absent. Much prefer that, than the conventionally accepted and (in some cases much endorsed) approach to sexuality, of frequent sexual encounters which consists of 2-10 minutes of penetration before he ejaculates and it’s over. A situation that repeats itself day after day, over and over again. A life circumstance in which I am minimally to partially satisfied as a woman (at best!), and he is emotionally and physically exhausted and depleted as a result of his chronic lack of ejaculatory control.
That’s like eating dog food every day, when you have access to an organic garden full of produce that is delicious, nutritious, and bursting with life. All you have to do is get the right tools, and spend a little time and energy cultivating it.