Yin and Yang ~ The Key To Sexual Harmony

Sexual HarmonyYin = feminine, yield/opens, soothes, nurtures, cooling.
Yang = masculine, penetrates, protects, challenges, warming.

Understand this & you will know how to live masculine & feminine polarized in bliss & love.

Do not make the error of attaching to one, both are always merging and becoming the other.

Women must learn to be strong without trying to be like men. It was useful to gain equality and rights, but now it can be an impediment in our sexual culture.

The power of woman is Yin, it is actually stated in some Taoist texts that yin is more powerful, as yin can yield and open to absorb all yang, she is flexible, like a willow tree in the wind, not like an oak tree.

Oak challenges the wind with firmness, and big branches break. The willow just flows and bends, very few branches fall.

Look to the power of Tai Chi, no resistance, bends & flows around the challenge-energy of attack.

The more the challenge-energy attacks, the more there is for the tai chi to overcome that very force, or embrace it and bring it to harmony & peace. Do you see?

The power of woman is magnificent, but not if she tries to use male force against, or in relationship, with male force.

There will only be pain for both.

Women, dance in polarity, openness & yielding in love, blissful, strong at heart, balanced.

Men, protect her, challenge her with love and you will both grow, lovingly penetrate her deeply for long periods of time, hours, without ejaculation and she will treat you like a king, and you will retain your strength, unafraid of woman power.

If we do this the patriarchy that is terrified of women will fall. Then there will be harmony. Get to work!

Learn more about Lasting Longer for Men and The Art of Female Pleasure at www.betterloveandsex.com.

Reclaiming Your Sensual Potential

Shake Your Soul-Song Devi Ward

From Chapter 2. of “Shake Your Soul-Song! A Woman’s Guide To Self-Empowerment Through The Art Of Self-Pleasure” We are born into this world of sensory experience~ sight, sound, taste, touch, and smell. Each of our 5 senses also relates to … Continue reading

3 Differences Between Masturbation and Self-Pleasure

Devi Ward TantraI read an article recently by a woman describing the differences between how men fantasize about us masturbating, and how most of us women actually do masturbate, which she described as a somewhat half-hazard, fast and furtive process.

Her description of female masturbation seemed very similar to the way a 14 year old boy probably masturbates, under the covers at night, stifling his sounds of pleasure, hoping -to -god no one comes in before he’s finished.

Hell, forget a 14 year old boy, that sounds like the masturbation modus operandis of most adults I know, both men and women.

Minding our P’s and Q’s…Privately, Quietly and Quickly!

Which got me to thinking about the differences between masturbation and self-pleasure.

Masturbation of course, would be the familiar scenario which I described above- one which 99.9% of adult humans can probably relate to.

So what is self-pleasuring? And how (besides the name), does it differ from our usual self-stroking?

#1) The first difference is my state of mind.

We have been taught as a society that self-stimulation is shameful, wrong, dirty, embarassing, etc.

We know that people do it, (especially men), and it’s accepted that they do, but it’s frequently thought of as a way to release physical and emotional “urges”.

Essentially a way to get rid of “too much” energy or emotional agitation. A form of stress release. Which yes, absolutely it is.

But that’s not ALL self-stimualtion can be used for- as just a genital pressure valve so to speak.

If we approach self-stimualtion from only that angle, our focus is mostly on the end result of the journey, and not on the sweet subtle communications of our body, which occur along the road to orgasm.

These subtle fluctuations of pleasure, energy and arousal are a sort of language, and when we take the time to notice the ebb and flow of sensation, (our awareness, our breath), the act of self-stimulation becomes an internal dance of self-discovery and self-awakening.

When we approach self-stimulation with an attitude of  self-love and exploration, a new realm of personal connection, personal intimacy, and personal empowerment is awakened.

No longer does our sexual satisfaction lie in the hands of another!

We become responsible for our own sexual enjoyment, and we become personally empowered by the ability to meet our own needs for sexual satisfaction.

#2) Another  way in which self-pleasuring differs from masturbation is the time that we devote to the activity.

No more furtive rubbing under the sheets, choking back moans of pleasure, while we attempt to set a new world record for quickest climax!

Self-pleasuring is an act of love– we are literally making love with ourselves, and as we all know that takes time.

How much time is up to you, but I recommend setting aside a good half-hour to an hour at least, just to be with yourself and explore your sexual sensations.

#3) A third way in which self-pleasure differs from traditional masturbation, is in our motivation, our intention.

In masturbation, orgasm is the goal, and we are aiming to achieve that goal as quickly and quietly as possible.

With self-pleasuring, well, the pleasure itself is the goal…. and the self-discovery that arises naturally as a result of taking time and awareness to explore our sexuality.

My personal self-pleasuring practice has facilitated the healing of some of my deepest emotional wounds.

I have healed pains that I did not even know existed, and have been rewarded with greater self-connection, self-confidence, and an inner sense of personal empowerment that only comes from directly experiencing your darkest demons, and recognizing them as unclaimed fragments of your own soul.

It is a practice that I recommend to men and women professionally and privately, and an integral part in becoming a wholly integrated and healthy sexual human being. 

To learn more about how you can use the sacred art of self-pleasuring to heal your body, mind, and spirit, please visit me at femininemergence.com and get your free E-Book, 7 Keys to Sensual Satisfaction + 3 Secrets to Better Love and Sex.

Devi’s Vagina Monologue…

This is the original text for my ShowoffBooks photoshoot. From what I understand, this book was originally created as a statement against the growing practice of Labiaplasty, though it has since evolved into a more vast and poignant expression of self-empowerment for all women.

On December 11th, after an incredibly challenging day of missing 2 ferries to Vancouver city and driving for eons, we arrived at the photo shoot. It was the very last day of shooting, and the author and photographer had generously stayed later than scheduled, as a result of my unplanned tardiness. I was immediately struck by the vibrant beauty and aliveness of the Author (Wrenna) and the precision and skill of the photographer (Katie). The actual photography took about 7 minutes to complete.. stand and snap, recline and snap. Somewhat anti-climactic after the intensity of the day, but more than made up for by the opportunity to participate in such a revolutionary work of art. Not to mention spending some time with these two very exceptional women. Mine was the very last Yoni photographed, and I was number 69. This is my story….

My name is Devi and this is my Lotus. I am 36 years old and I have no children, as a life choice. I am a Tantric Sexuality Educator and the fact that I chose to participate in this book is to me, a statement of the tremendous healing, growth and transformation that I have experienced as a result of the sexual practices that I teach. I believe that both women and men grow up with an underlying sense of shame regarding their sexuality, as a result of the “sex negative” culture in which we live. As a young woman, I grew up with a deep sense of shame regarding my vagina, though I could not pinpoint an exact experience that would cause this. The fears and shames consisted mostly of A) The fear of smelling bad, B) The fear of my vagina being too “loose from use”, both literally and figuratively, and C) Just a subtle and subconscious “sense of being dirty down there”. During the process of sexual healing that I have undergone these last few years, I have become aware of the direct physical impact that these subconscious emotions of fear, shame, and guilt have, on our ability to fully experience pleasure as women. In regards to the appearance of my Vulva… to shave or not to shave was about as far as it went for me. Though I do remember that when I was a stripper, I would often discreetly peek at the other girls in the dressing room, out of the corner of my eye, trying to unobtrusively “compare goods”. I remember seeing vulvas with the inner labia sticking out a bit, and thinking how pretty that looked, like a flower, and kind of wishing mine looked the same. Mildly I wondered if mine was “different” in some way, normal, attractive, etc. I regularly had men report to me that my vagina, yoni, (and now lotus), was  “very pretty”…so my need for vaginal acceptance was met, at least on the level of appearance. Honestly, it didn’t even occur to me that one could surgically alter the appearance of the Vulva until now. When I learned about Labiaplasty, (very recently in fact), I felt a tremendous sense of sadness that any young woman would be in so much pain about the appearance of her vulva, that she would willingly choose to have it butchered. To have that delicate, highly sensitive, pleasure-enhancing tissue surrounding the vaginal opening, willingly cut up and cut off, in order to fit some culturally conditioned standard of beauty. Then I read more, and learned that Labiaplasty sometimes also includes the clitoral tissue as well. This sounds dangerously similar to the process of female circumcision, the intention being to minimize, (if not eradicate completely), the pleasurable sensations of intercourse, so that a women feels little-to-no pleasure during sex.  Isn’t female circumcision considered a “crime against humanity” in some countries? And also, my god! Don’t we as women have enough culturally enforced “body-image” issues already? Now this? On top of having to constantly manage my hair, my skin, my nails, my weight, my boobs, my ass, now I have to have the perfect looking pussy too. According to who, I wonder? And for what…? What is the “golden mean” that we are all desperately trying to achieve with this inward twisting and turning, and outward slicing and dicing? What is the burning need, the passionate desire that inspires us to work so hard for physical perfection? That allows us to brutalize ourselves internally, and at times mutilate ourselves externally?

I believe it is the desperate and unremitting need for love and acceptance. That basic, underlying desire that we all have as Human beings; to be loved. To simply be loved, and accepted, exactly as we are.

And so I feel very sad that some women feel that the best strategy for accomplishing their goal of love and acceptance, is to willingly have themselves “circumcised” in a sense. To have their precious labia cut off, and their bliss pearls (clitoris’s) altered to “look more appealing”. How will they ever feel pleasure after that sort of trauma? I know the intense amount of emotional and physical healing that my Vulva and Vagina needed to undergo in order to reach my full orgasmic capacity as a woman, and my trauma was purely emotionally and psychologically based. I can’t imagine what it would take to re-sensitize a vulva after that sort of physical damage has been done.

In all honesty, I believe the growing practice of labiaplasty is a red flag for us, not just as women, but for all of us, as a spiritually and sexually disconnected society. A very drastic and painful testament of what we all do to ourselves on some level, in an attempt to have those basic underlying Human needs for acceptance, love, and connection met. And tragically, how so many of our strategies fail.

My name is Devi and this is my pussy, my vulva, my yoni, cunt, vagina, mandala, and very Secret Sky.

To learn more about ShowoffBooks please visit them at http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Show-Off-Books/135439953171699