Devi speaks with returning guest Jon Pressick about the best sex writing of 2014. Find out: What is sex writing? Is this erotica (no!) What is the state of sex in current media? What could be better done with sex in media? What are … Continue reading
Devi speaks with Joan Price about Sex After 50. Joan’s mission is to change society’s view of boomer/senior/elder sex, one mind at a time, and to help seniors get the information they need to maintain or regain a joyful sex life. Joan’s latest and most comprehensive book is The Ultimate Guide to Sex after 50: How to Maintain – or Regain! – a Spicy, Satisfying Sex Life.
*Why we don’t see sexy seniors in the media?
*What misconceptions do seniors have about their own sex lives?
*What are some of the issues that seniors report to you as interfering with a good sex life?
*Sex toys for seniors?
*Tips for having better sex.
About Joan Price ~
Joan Price ( ) calls herself an advocate for ageless sexuality. She has been called other things by the media: “senior sexpert,” “the beautiful face of senior sex,” and—her favorite—”wrinkly sex kitten.” She is the author of the new Ultimate Guide to Sex After 50: How to Maintain – or Regain! – a Spicy, Satisfying Sex Life; the award-winning self-help book, Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex; and the sexy memoir, Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk about Sex After Sixty. Joan continues to talk out loud about senior sex — partnered or solo – in speeches and workshops, and on her zesty blog about sex and aging – .
Connect with Joan at:
Email address: firstname.lastname@example.org
Website address: http://www.joanprice.com/
LinkedIn: Joan Price
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JoanPriceAuthor(@Naked at Out Age by Joan Price)
Award-winning blog about sex & aging: http://www.NakedAtOurAge.com
Available now: The Ultimate Guide to Sex After 50: How to Maintain – or Regain! – a Spicy, Satisfying Sex Life(Cleis Press)
Devi speaks with Barry Selby, The Love Confidant and Author of 50 Ways to Love your Lover.
Listen Live and discover:
- The trap of online dating
- Why do the faces change but the experience stays the same?
- It is not about the other person (objects in the mirror are closer than they appear).
- Relationship rebound vs. make-up sex.
- Having sex all day (the art of foreplay).
- Having better sex by being apart (polarity is the magnet).
- What to talk about after sex
Add Better Love and Sex to your RSS Feed!
Devi speaks with alternative lifestyle and sex positive expert, Jon Pressick about BDSM, sex positivity, and alternative lifestyles. Jon Pressick is the sexual community’s gadabout. Some days he’s the new editor of the Best Sex Writing series. Some days he’s … Continue reading
Devi speaks with Dr. Mitchell Tepper on the secrets to pleasure and orgasm discovered from laboratory studies with people who have spinal cord injuries and how to access great sex regardless of illness, disability, advancing age, or sexual dysfunction. Listen … Continue reading
Join Devi with special guest Satya Karla as they talk about sexual health and wellness with Yoga! Learn 7-Ways Yoga Improves Your Well-Being and Sex Life! Satya Kalra is the former Founder and CEO from Biotech Industry and the founder of Path … Continue reading
This is a common experience for most women, and one which you may be able to relate to- the kissing is hot, the passion juices are flowing, everything is green light go, but when your partner starts touching your genitals, everything goes a little numb.
It’s as if the rest of your body is vibrant and alive with stereo sound, and the sensation in your genitals is sort of… muted.
Or- you are experiencing pleasure, pleasure, pleasure, and then…oops! Oh god, I lost it! Oh crap, where did it go? Now I’m taking too long,…. maybe if he/she just went a little harder/softer/sideways, etc. etc.
And now you’re lost in your head, trying vainly to recapture those sweet moments of bliss you were just starting to get a glimpse of.
Disconnecting from our pleasure and desire during the sexual experience is very, very, common for many women. Most likely every woman will experience varying degrees of presence during sex, at various times throughout each sexual encounter.
But knowing that doesn’t make it any more fun when it happens.
So the question is- why is it happening and what can you do?
There are a few different reasons for disconnecting during sexual intimacy, and usually one or more of these issues is at play in any given moment:
1) You are have trouble focusing and getting “out of your head”
2) You are distracted by the recurrent thoughts of what would feel better, but are unable to communicate it verbally.
3) You are worrying- i.e. am I taking too long, is my partner is getting bored, are my thighs too fat?
4) You are trying to orgasm, straining, trying to perform
5) You are feeling emotionally unsafe or uncertain
6) You are afraid to really feel the pleasure, because it might be over too soon.
7) You feel uncomfortable with your body, the way it looks, smells, sounds
8) You feel guilty or shameful about sexual pleasure (i.e. good girls don’t like/want/enjoy sex)
9) You were sexually abused or violated in your past
10) You experienced a deep heartbreak, painful break-up, or serious let-down from a past relationship
One of these issues is enough to make your sexual pleasure train derail, but the fact of the matter is- often there are a few of these “sensual saboteurs” going on simultaneously.
So what’s a girl to do?
Well the typical answer is to encourage people to “Be More Present” during sex.
Which I find really unhelpful given that we spend 90% or more of our waking time lost in thought- thinking of what’s next on our “to do” list, being driven by unconscious thoughts and desires – and yet somehow we expect ourselves to just magically know how to get, and stay present, during sex.
But I ask you – if you’re unable to be present in other area of your life, how could you expect to be instantly present for this area of your life?
If you want to be more present and connect to your body during sex, I invite you to practice BEING present and connected to your body, in every other moment of your life.
Which is a great thing to say, but how do you actually do it?
The quickest, fastest route for getting present in your body, and out of your head, is by focusing on your breath.
Wherever you are, in any moment, simply notice your breathing pattern.
First- Notice if you are taking short, shallow rabbit breaths, (which is a symptom of fight or flight response,) or are you taking nice full belly breaths. Most likely if you are lost in thoughts and worry about past or future, you are in “fight or flight” response.
Next- take a few nice deep conscious breaths, and FEEL your body.
Feel your lungs and belly expand with air, feel your ribcage lift and open to allow in more life essence. Feel the slow, sweet process of life happening within you.
Then- notice how your body feels. Are there any areas of tension or stress? Take a few moments to consciously breath into any areas of physical, emotional, or energetic tension. Bring your conscious awareness and your breath to these areas, and relax.
I invite you to do this exercise for 5-10 minutes, several times during your day. Some people call this meditation, or you can simply think of it as “body – awareness.”
After practicing being present for a while outside of your sexual experience, I invite you to do the same practice of self-awareness during your sexual experience.
Become aware of your breathing pattern during sexual pleasure, and consciously practice taking deep full breathes.
Instead of following thoughts in your head, follow the sensations in your body, and when they run into little obstacles, (or “blocks to bliss”), breathe into those areas of tension and dullness, and practice relaxing, softening, and letting go.
You may find a whole new depth of pleasure, connection, and joy in your sexual experience, and a profound intimacy with yourself and your significant other.
Wanna experience your FULL orgasmic potential as a woman? I invite you to contact me and begin creating your Personal Pleasure Program for awakening your true sexual pleasure potential!
I recently read a very insightful article addressing just this issue, which broke down the libido question into 2 categories- 1. desire for sex or 2. sexual aroual.
Libido is defined as- a person’s overall sexual drive or desire for sexual activity, which would look something like- your partner walks in the door and you want to jump their bones.
This is an entirely different issue than one of sexual arousal, which would look like- you jump your partners bones, but don’t really feel physically turned on, have much sensation, and/or have difficulty experiencing orgasms.
From my perspective (and the previously mentioned authors perspective) these are 2 very different scenarios, which will require very different strategies to correct.
Libido – (actual desire for sex)- can be affected by a number of different circumstances.
Personally, I find that once a possible hormonal imbalance or deficiency has been ruled out, the top 2 culprits for lack of sexual desire are:
#1. Stress, and
#2. Relationship issues such as- unexpressed emotions of hurt and/or resentment.
So when a woman asks me about how to increase her libido, I typically answer with a question of my own which is-
“How stressed out are you?”
Our modern lives are filled with an inordinate amount of ongoing daily stress triggers, keeping us in an almost constant state of fight or flight.
Being in this constant state of high alert wears down our body, causing physical aging and degeneration of tissue, and contributes to emotional irritability and lack of present moment awareness (think inner peace and joy!)
This can leave us feeling exhausted, depleted, and drained. I compare this to draining a battery, and as we all know batteries operate on electrical charge.
Think of your sexual desire in a similar way, as a current or charge of energy.
If you are feeling drained and depleted by the overwhelming demands of life, you probably won’t have a lot of extra juice available for frequent sexual connection.
Unexpressed feelings of hurt or resentment also drain the life energy out of a relationship, so chances are if you aren’t “sexing” it’s because you aren’t saying something that needs to be communicated in order for you to WANT to be physically intimate with that person.
I also find that for many women sexual desire is more of an emotional impulse than a physical urge.
If you aren’t feeling emotionally connected to your partner, if there are walls and barriers between you, then the desire for sexual union can be almost entirely snuffed out.
Remember- sexual desire is the physical expression of our heart and soul’s desire for union.
If desire for sex isn’t the problem, the next thing to look at is the arousal factor, which I will share some insights about next week.
Do you have questions about your sexual experience?
Would you like to learn more about your FULL orgasmic potential as a woman?
He is polyamorous with a primary partner. He has been practicing tantra about one year, so I asked him how long since he had ejaculated. 8 months he said. I burst out laughing, “dude, you are a beginner, I said 6 to 8 weeks, not months, time to rip one off!!!”. He was delighted and said his wife was going to have great night!
The story is amusing but I thought I had better clarify this.
When we say semen retention, we don’t mean never ejaculate.
Ejaculatory Orgasms are one of our 6 wonderful male multiple orgasms!
It is excess frequency that is the liability.
So below I include some guidelines for men to manage their Jing (that is your juiciness guys, makes you sexy to girls, or guys if you swing that way):
These are guidelines, you are your own master, choose wisely your timing.
Life conditions also affect these time frames.
As a beginner proceed with patience and work towards a minimum base line of 6 weeks between ejaculations, while having NON-ejaculatory orgasms.
Maybe you can only do 2 to 3 weeks, OK, then 3 to 4 weeks, then 5 to 6, easy and relaxed.
This is of course with pleasuring or intercourse too, but not having ejaculation.
Proceeding like this will allow your chi to rebuild to the point you can have non-ejaculatory orgasms, from there they will grow in intensity, trust me!!
Also allows for deep vital organ repair and regeneration.
If you are solo; practicing tantra alone, work up to 3 months, range 6 weeks to 12 weeks.
If you are in a monogamous relationship; then work up to 3 months, range 9 to 12 weeks.
If you are polyamorous with more than one active partner; the energy, both yogic and emotional, will be much higher and can cause discomfort (as above).
In this case I suggest a baseline of 6 to 8 weeks maximum. When advanced you can adjust this per your own sensitivity to your levels and needs.
If you ejaculate less than once every 6 weeks you will have minimal to no recovery time, you will have built up some stores.
Do not ejaculate again within 8 days minimum or you will pay a price of depletion.
Unless you are solo, ejaculation should always be with a partner, sharing your essence with love on purpose, not as an accidental involuntary reflex.
Hey I know, accidents happen, but if it is regular it is not an accident it is lazy-mindedness!
Taoist sexual yoga states that the Taoist masters best frequency is ejaculate once every 100 sessions. That is a lot of counting, and we are not in caves or temples.
Yet if one practices daily 100 sessions is just over 3 months.
There you have it, if you have questions please ask, that is what I am here for.
There is quite a lot of controversy these days regarding the benefits of frequent ejaculation vs.semen retention. A recent study suggests that frequent ejaculation may prevent men from developing prostate cancer, though there does seem to be some question regarding the … Continue reading