I am a HUGE fan of luxury sex toys, and consider them to be an integral part of sexual healing and orgasmic empowerment for both women and men, but most women that I speak with have some questions about how much is too much when it comes to using a vibrator.
Do vibrators actually make a woman less sensitive to touch?
And- if a woman is able to orgasm easily when she uses her vibrator by herself, but DOESN’T orgasm with her partner, does this mean that she’s addicted to it?
Wondering if you can become addicted to or desensitized by using a vibrator is a common and valid concern, and the most honest answer is, well … sort of.
Dr. Jim Pfaus, a researcher and professor of psychology at Montreal’s Concordia University, notes in Naomi Wolf’s book Vagina: the human spinal circuit will habituate to the same repeated stimuli, over a period of time, and thus vibrators may desensitize women, due to this natural “habituation” phenomenon.
In short – if you use the same vibrator again and again and again, your nervous system becomes “adapted” to the specific frequency of that particular vibration.
Does this mean you need to get rid of your vibrator?
To me this simply means- use more than one vibrator.
Every vibrator provides it’s own unique “pattern” of vibration, so if your body becomes accustomed to one “pattern”- to the point where sensation is diminished- simply change it up a bit by introducing a new “frequency” and/or use your fingers too!
I myself have several vibrators that I use, as well as interchanging with my fingers to provide tactile sensation. I like to say that self-pleasuring is a two-handed job and requires the ability to multi-task.
And so it seems with vibrators, as with everything else, variety truly is the spice of life.
In regard to your inability to orgasm with your partner – there may be a few different reasons for that, but in the case of oral stimulation, it’s usually just a matter of some simple guidance and communication.
Most often, our partners are fumbling around in the dark, trying to read our subtle body-language “cues” and hoping desperately that the sound we just made means we like it, and not that it hurts.
At the same time, we’re usually in our heads wondering how we smell, taste and sound, and thinking “if they just went a little softer and to the left …” or something along that line.
Alternatively, when it’s you and your vibrator – you know exactly how, where, and when to use it.
Usually, your partner doesn’t have all of the inside information that he or she needs in order to “get the job done,” so it’s really no surprise you find it easier to orgasm when it’s just you and “Mr. Rabbit.”
Giving your partner some gentle verbal feedback and encouragement when they’re on the right track can make a world of difference for both of you (and a properly timed ‘thank you, I like that’ always has its place).
Then your vibrator is no longer “competition” but enhancement, which is exactly what it was designed for.
- The Perils Of Self-Pleasure:Can You Get Addicted To Your Vibrator? (deviward.wordpress.com)