I speak quite often about the importance of creating time and space for self-pleasure in our daily lives.
I have believed in this concept strongly enough to write a book about it, as well as it being a “practice” that I live and teach.
Yet recently I have come to discover a whole new meaning for the phrase “self-pleasure,” and come to understand what it reallly means to practice the “Art” of it.
Most people will agree that our day to day lives are busy, and we tend to keep our minds busy with the mental check list of all of things we need to get done.
And for many of us, myself included, self-pleasure was placed some where on that mental check list of “more things to do.”
Grocery shopping. Check.
Self-pleasure. Yep, check.
But the actual experience of “self-pleasure” was just one more thing to “fit in” to my already busy life.
Lately though, I have been unable to live by my scheduled “to do” list, because my body has NOT been co-operating.
It has not allowed me to fullfill my daily scheduled routine of up at 8, tea until 9, meditate until 10, work until 5, etc. etc.
My body has been screaming for rest, and thwarting my attempts at forward movement in life with an array of abnormal symptoms such as headaches, nausea, insomnia, all of which have forced me to ride the ebb and flow of my available life-force energy throughout the day.
(For those of you out in blog land who may be concerned, there is nothing actually physically wrong with me. Just having a brief phase of energetic detox, which sometimes comes from doing too much Tibetan Dharma practice too fast, which I am inclined to do on many occasions.)
The point of all of this is- in being unable to rightly manage my to do list, and stay on top of my “Self-Pleasure Program” like a good little soldier, I have been given the opportunity to simply ask myself in each moment “what would give me the most pleasure right now?”
What would I LIKE to do, not what SHOULD I be doing to get my list done, to be in integrity with my practice, to move forward in life, etc. etc. etc.
I have been, shall we say, encouraged by recent events to completely let go of my should list, and so have for the last several days, moved purely from the place of WANT.
And from this, a beautiful and amazing thing has occurred.
I am actually getting MORE accomplished in less time, AND I feel good doing it.
Instead of operating from the heavy overwhelming cloud of “I have to get this done,” or some internal drive to achieve, accomplish, and be, be, be somebody, someone, something, (which by the way was a mostly subconscious thought stream, driving me like a cruel task master,) I have literally been flowing into each moment like an orgasm, using my pleasure in that moment as my guide.
Asking myself in each moment, without judgement “What would give me the most pleasure right now?”
And sometimes the the answer will be; a bath, or a cup of tea and a Stephen King novel. Other times the answer will be; to write, to work, to share.
Several times in one day the answer was sexual self-pleasure and orgasms. Whatever the answer has been, I have allowed that to be the truth of what my soul wants in that moment, and honored it as a unquestioningly as the body’s need for water when thirsty, and food when hungry.
I believe our souls are starving for the nourishment that comes from non-doing, and THAT is what the art of self-pleasure is really all about. It’s not about putting one more thing on your “to do” list.
It’s about listening in and attuning to the subtle voice of your soul, and using the inherent wisdom of the body and it’s capacity for pleasure to be your guide.
It’s about being present with those activities in life that contribute to your inner sense of nourishment, self-love, and wholeness.
Now granted, the truth in our lives is that there are things to get done, obligations to fulfill (especially with children), and tasks to accomplish.
BUT, that does not mean that we have to sacrifice enjoyment.
We can find pleasure in the daily doings of life, and chances are when we aren’t experiencing pleasure in the moment, it’s because we’re not actually really present in that moment.
We’re usually thinking of what we have to do next on our to do list, right?
So I invite you to share below- what are some of your favorite ways to meet your needs for self-pleasure, that aren’t on your “to do” list?