Devi speaks with Mariotta Gary-Smith. “It’s Your Pleasure & Mine! Find out what it means to be a sexologist & sexuality educator;the importance of sex education in a sex negative culture & the importance of honoring Women of Color in this … Continue reading
Adventures in Sex Toys! Buying, Using, Washing, Oh MY! In this episode of Better Love and Sex, Devi is joined by sex toy specialist, Nina Helms to discuss adventures in sex toys! There are sooo many different sex toys on … Continue reading
Devi speaks with Barry Selby, The Love Confidant and Author of 50 Ways to Love your Lover.
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Barry Selby is The Love Confidant, professional speaker, published author and relationship transformation expert who specializes in empowering his clients to create conscious, passionate and deep relationships. His heart and passion is to empower successful single women to embrace and own their authentic feminine power and attract the best in their men!
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If you are like me, you are probably doing all the right things in regards to your physical health and wellness. You watch what you eat, do yoga, exercise, focus on positive thinking, etc. etc. You are aware of the … Continue reading
Thursday, August 8th on Better Love and Sex with Devi Ward~ What is the relationship between sexuality, spirituality and personal growth? Can your S.E.X be a tool for life transformation? Discover the TRUE meaning of Tantra~ What it ACTUALLY is, … Continue reading
Yin = feminine, yield/opens, soothes, nurtures, cooling.
Yang = masculine, penetrates, protects, challenges, warming.
Understand this & you will know how to live masculine & feminine polarized in bliss & love.
Do not make the error of attaching to one, both are always merging and becoming the other.
Women must learn to be strong without trying to be like men. It was useful to gain equality and rights, but now it can be an impediment in our sexual culture.
The power of woman is Yin, it is actually stated in some Taoist texts that yin is more powerful, as yin can yield and open to absorb all yang, she is flexible, like a willow tree in the wind, not like an oak tree.
Oak challenges the wind with firmness, and big branches break. The willow just flows and bends, very few branches fall.
Look to the power of Tai Chi, no resistance, bends & flows around the challenge-energy of attack.
The more the challenge-energy attacks, the more there is for the tai chi to overcome that very force, or embrace it and bring it to harmony & peace. Do you see?
The power of woman is magnificent, but not if she tries to use male force against, or in relationship, with male force.
There will only be pain for both.
Women, dance in polarity, openness & yielding in love, blissful, strong at heart, balanced.
Men, protect her, challenge her with love and you will both grow, lovingly penetrate her deeply for long periods of time, hours, without ejaculation and she will treat you like a king, and you will retain your strength, unafraid of woman power.
If we do this the patriarchy that is terrified of women will fall. Then there will be harmony. Get to work!
Learn more about Lasting Longer for Men and The Art of Female Pleasure at www.betterloveandsex.com.
If you had asked me 5 years ago what “sexual healing” meant to me, I would have looked at you in confusion, blushed with embarrassment, and tried to change the subject. I, just like every one else I knew, found the topic of sex to be intriguing, somewhat bewildering, and quite uncomfortable to discuss openly.
Certainly I had no frame of reference for the concept of “healing” in that area, and no knowledge of the direct relationship that exists for women between their sexual “comfort,” and their feelings of self-confidence and self-worth.
I, like many women in western culture, was indoctrinated with the belief that “good girls don’t and bad girls do”. I spent much of my childhood and young adulthood trying desperately to shut out, shove away, and divorce myself from any knowledge of my sexual pleasure or desires, in fear of being categorized as a “bad girl”- a sentence which carried with it a whole host of undesirable outcomes.
Because of the terrifying cultural condemnation of my natural sexual curiosity, I proceeded to break myself into little pieces of acceptable and unacceptable parts, and filed the “bad” bits away deep within my psyche, in hopes that no one would ever find out what a naughty girl I really was.
The reality though, is that we cannot truly separate any part of ourselves from the rest of ourselves, without experiencing a fragmentation and wounding of our essential essence.
Somewhere locked away in that box of bad and naughty bits were aspects of my personality, which were vital components to my experience of self-worth, self-acceptance, and the intuitive wisdom of my soul.
These pieces of my soul, (which were integral to a healthy, wholesome, and empowered sense of self,) were buried beneath layers of sexual guilt, fear, shame, and ignorance, and were revealed only through the process of exploring and allowing my sexual pleasure to emerge.
Recent studies cited by author Naomi Wolf in her book “Vagina-A New Biography,” validate the relationship between sexuality and self-worth for women from a scientific perspective. She states “when a woman feels empowered to think about pleasurable sex, anticipate it, focus on how to get it, and feels in control of and knowledgeable enough about her body to know she can probably reach orgasm during sex – her brain gets a boost of the neurotransmitter dopamine.”
For all the science geeks out there- Dopamine is the neurotransmitter responsible for motivation and goal-oriented ness, trust in one’s own judgment, and most importantly, feeling self-empowered and confident.
My personal experience has been that- as my relationship to my sexuality has become free from culturally imposed attitudes of shame, fear, and guilt, new channels of self-awareness, self-acceptance, self-love, and self-respect have been opened and revealed. I naturally and effortlessly feel more whole, more connected, and more worthy of happiness, peace, joy, and “the good things” in all areas of my life.
The fact that my personal sense of self-worth was directly related to my sexuality came as a huge surprise at first, but as the layers of shame, guilt, and confusion have fallen away, I now experience the world with a peace and clarity that I believe every woman should have access to. Sexual self-acceptance is our birthright, and the gateway to a healthy, whole and fully integrated sense of Self.
So how do you get from A-B?
The task can seem daunting, but I assure it is a sweet journey, well worth undertaking.
Listen in as Tantra Master Healer Jacques Drouin and I discuss Healing Sexual Trauma on Better Love and Sex Radio!
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If you don’t yet understand how vital consciously addressing your sexuality is for your emotional, mental, and physical health, and more importantly, for you to feel CONNECTED to your SELF/God/human essence, I am no longer on a mission to convince you.
Because somewhere, deep down inside, each and every woman knows she has a nasty little secret that she is afraid to admit to herself.
And this nasty little secret rises up again and again, only to be choked back and pushed down, after every marginally satisfying sexual encounter in which you are left with a dull ache inside after he “comes too quick”. Or you spend the entire encounter think “a little” to the left, but are too afraid of what he or she might think, to actually SAY IT out loud.
It shows up after every time you ALMOST reach orgasm, but not quite, because you can’t turn your mind off and actually FEEL your body.
It’s that subtle sense of confusion you have after he rolls off you when he’s done, (and you just started!), and the almost imperceptible but oh- so- familiar doubt and insecurity that arises when you hear about orgasms, and realize that you rarely have them…but should you be?
Is there something wrong with you because you can’t orgasm in the 2-7 minutes of penetration that he’s giving you?
Or that you JUST CAN”T COME when he or she goes down on you, cuz they aren’t-quite-on-the-spot, and you think to yourself – “oh shit I’m taking too long, and they’re probably getting tired, and, and, and…”
This nasty little secret is the fact that you are unsatisfied, and you don’t feel like you have the right to be. You are secretly afraid that there is something wrong with you because you don’t/can’t orgasm during sex, or infrequently orgasm, or don’t have multiple orgasms, or any orgasm at all EVER.
You hear all this talk about sex and orgasm, and you shrivel inside, or do your best to ignore it, because it just makes you feel more inadequate.
So instead of acknowledging that you are unhappy with your current sexual experience, and that there could possibly be more, you push those subtle thoughts and emotions down, down, down, where they get lodged more and more deeply in your sexual tissue and emotional psyche, thus making you less sensitive to pleasure, less self-expressed, and even more trapped in your head.
Your sexual happiness and ability to receive PLEASURE directly correlates to your sense of self-worth and what you feel you deserve in life.
I know, I have been there, am there, and continue to chip away at the residue left there by past emotional trauma, cultural conditioning, and sexual abuse.
Deep, deep, and maybe not so deep down, you are aware that there is some vital key ingredient lacking in your life, and chances are you experience this lacking most keenly in regards to your ability to experience sexual pleasure.
And you KNOW this already.
So no amount of writing, or speaking, or reciting statistics is going to convince you.
Because until you are willing to admit to yourself that there IS a problem Houston, there is nothing I can do, or say, to win you over.
Until you are ready to LOOK at your SEX, look at it, just look at it.
Without judgement, or fear, or shame, or anything at all.
Just look objectively and say, “ya know, I would like this to be different. I would like this to be better than it is, because I deserve to feel PLEASURE, and I am willing to give myself a chance to experience more of that.”
Until you get to the point where you are ready to take action, and invest some time, some energy, and yes some money, there is nothing I, or anyone eles can do about it.
But when you are ready to bring that nasty little secret you are carrying out into the light, please know that there is help.
Please know that chances are you are not alone.
Know that it will take time, and sometimes some effort, and some commitment on your part to experience growth and change.
But know that the light at the end of the tunnel IS YOU.
It is the missing, forgotten fragment of your sexual soul, and it is calling you to come home.
Are you ready to heal yourself? Are you ready to come home?
Then pick up your copy of Shake Your Soul -Song!A Woman’s Guide to Self-Empowerment Through The Art Of Self-Pleasure, or Contact me to find out more.
From Chapter 2. of “Shake Your Soul-Song! A Woman’s Guide To Self-Empowerment Through The Art Of Self-Pleasure” We are born into this world of sensory experience~ sight, sound, taste, touch, and smell. Each of our 5 senses also relates to … Continue reading
