Nothing like a little self-lovin’ for the Holidays! For Thanksgiving 2013, Devi shares her top tips for ecstatic self-pleasure, expanding your “pleasure potential”, and the number one key to having vaginal orgasms! Also find out her favorite tool for jump … Continue reading
Who wouldn’t want one of these?! Devi speaks with Author, Steve Bodansky about what Extended Massive Orgasm is and HOW you can have it in your life! Learn: *What extended massive orgasm is and HOW to get some! * How to give … Continue reading
Let me just start off by saying that masturbation has never been this fashionable, thanks to our newest sponsor The Closet Collection Toys~ Sensual elegance at it’s best!
Yesterday I received their entire collection of luxury sex toys to review for our audience, and with over 11 styles of “personal massagers” I plan on being otherwise occupied for days to come (no pun intended!)
This evening I plan on spending a little time with my new friends Jimmee & Donatello….I will be sure to give you a full written report over the weekend.
For now, I invite you to tune in to Better Love and Sex with Devi Ward every Thursday evening at 7pm PST, and discover more ways to awaken, heal, and transform your sexuality, to begin living a happier, healthier, more fulfilling life on every level!
Say Hi to My New Friends Jimmee & Donatello…
Thursday, September 26th, on Better Love and Sex with Devi Ward~ Go on a date with Devi & Jacques! This is your chance to get answers to the questions you have always wanted to ask about sexuality, sensuality, and relationships! … Continue reading
I am a HUGE fan of luxury sex toys, and consider them to be an integral part of sexual healing and orgasmic empowerment for both women and men, but most women that I speak with have some questions about how much is too much when it comes to using a vibrator.
Do vibrators actually make a woman less sensitive to touch?
And- if a woman is able to orgasm easily when she uses her vibrator by herself, but DOESN’T orgasm with her partner, does this mean that she’s addicted to it?
Wondering if you can become addicted to or desensitized by using a vibrator is a common and valid concern, and the most honest answer is, well … sort of.
Dr. Jim Pfaus, a researcher and professor of psychology at Montreal’s Concordia University, notes in Naomi Wolf’s book Vagina: the human spinal circuit will habituate to the same repeated stimuli, over a period of time, and thus vibrators may desensitize women, due to this natural “habituation” phenomenon.
In short – if you use the same vibrator again and again and again, your nervous system becomes “adapted” to the specific frequency of that particular vibration.
Does this mean you need to get rid of your vibrator?
To me this simply means- use more than one vibrator.
Every vibrator provides it’s own unique “pattern” of vibration, so if your body becomes accustomed to one “pattern”- to the point where sensation is diminished- simply change it up a bit by introducing a new “frequency” and/or use your fingers too!
I myself have several vibrators that I use, as well as interchanging with my fingers to provide tactile sensation. I like to say that self-pleasuring is a two-handed job and requires the ability to multi-task.
And so it seems with vibrators, as with everything else, variety truly is the spice of life.
In regard to your inability to orgasm with your partner – there may be a few different reasons for that, but in the case of oral stimulation, it’s usually just a matter of some simple guidance and communication.
Most often, our partners are fumbling around in the dark, trying to read our subtle body-language “cues” and hoping desperately that the sound we just made means we like it, and not that it hurts.
At the same time, we’re usually in our heads wondering how we smell, taste and sound, and thinking “if they just went a little softer and to the left …” or something along that line.
Alternatively, when it’s you and your vibrator – you know exactly how, where, and when to use it.
Usually, your partner doesn’t have all of the inside information that he or she needs in order to “get the job done,” so it’s really no surprise you find it easier to orgasm when it’s just you and “Mr. Rabbit.”
Giving your partner some gentle verbal feedback and encouragement when they’re on the right track can make a world of difference for both of you (and a properly timed ‘thank you, I like that’ always has its place).
Then your vibrator is no longer “competition” but enhancement, which is exactly what it was designed for.
- The Perils Of Self-Pleasure:Can You Get Addicted To Your Vibrator? (deviward.wordpress.com)
As some of you may know- I often share that one of the main reasons many women may have difficulty experiencing their full orgasmic potential, is a result of unresolved emotions or “traumas” locked in the genital tissue. This frozen … Continue reading
Yet recently I have come to discover a whole new meaning for the phrase “self-pleasure,” and come to understand what it reallly means to practice the “Art” of it.
Most people will agree that our day to day lives are busy, and we tend to keep our minds busy with the mental check list of all of things we need to get done.
And for many of us, myself included, self-pleasure was placed some where on that mental check list of “more things to do.”
Grocery shopping. Check.
Self-pleasure. Yep, check.
But the actual experience of “self-pleasure” was just one more thing to “fit in” to my already busy life.
Lately though, I have been unable to live by my scheduled “to do” list, because my body has NOT been co-operating.
It has not allowed me to fullfill my daily scheduled routine of up at 8, tea until 9, meditate until 10, work until 5, etc. etc.
My body has been screaming for rest, and thwarting my attempts at forward movement in life with an array of abnormal symptoms such as headaches, nausea, insomnia, all of which have forced me to ride the ebb and flow of my available life-force energy throughout the day.
(For those of you out in blog land who may be concerned, there is nothing actually physically wrong with me. Just having a brief phase of energetic detox, which sometimes comes from doing too much Tibetan Dharma practice too fast, which I am inclined to do on many occasions.)
The point of all of this is- in being unable to rightly manage my to do list, and stay on top of my “Self-Pleasure Program” like a good little soldier, I have been given the opportunity to simply ask myself in each moment “what would give me the most pleasure right now?”
What would I LIKE to do, not what SHOULD I be doing to get my list done, to be in integrity with my practice, to move forward in life, etc. etc. etc.
I have been, shall we say, encouraged by recent events to completely let go of my should list, and so have for the last several days, moved purely from the place of WANT.
And from this, a beautiful and amazing thing has occurred.
I am actually getting MORE accomplished in less time, AND I feel good doing it.
Instead of operating from the heavy overwhelming cloud of “I have to get this done,” or some internal drive to achieve, accomplish, and be, be, be somebody, someone, something, (which by the way was a mostly subconscious thought stream, driving me like a cruel task master,) I have literally been flowing into each moment like an orgasm, using my pleasure in that moment as my guide.
Asking myself in each moment, without judgement “What would give me the most pleasure right now?”
And sometimes the the answer will be; a bath, or a cup of tea and a Stephen King novel. Other times the answer will be; to write, to work, to share.
Several times in one day the answer was sexual self-pleasure and orgasms. Whatever the answer has been, I have allowed that to be the truth of what my soul wants in that moment, and honored it as a unquestioningly as the body’s need for water when thirsty, and food when hungry.
I believe our souls are starving for the nourishment that comes from non-doing, and THAT is what the art of self-pleasure is really all about. It’s not about putting one more thing on your “to do” list.
It’s about listening in and attuning to the subtle voice of your soul, and using the inherent wisdom of the body and it’s capacity for pleasure to be your guide.
It’s about being present with those activities in life that contribute to your inner sense of nourishment, self-love, and wholeness.
Now granted, the truth in our lives is that there are things to get done, obligations to fulfill (especially with children), and tasks to accomplish.
BUT, that does not mean that we have to sacrifice enjoyment.
We can find pleasure in the daily doings of life, and chances are when we aren’t experiencing pleasure in the moment, it’s because we’re not actually really present in that moment.
We’re usually thinking of what we have to do next on our to do list, right?
So I invite you to share below- what are some of your favorite ways to meet your needs for self-pleasure, that aren’t on your “to do” list?
I read an article recently by a woman describing the differences between how men fantasize about us masturbating, and how most of us women actually do masturbate, which she described as a somewhat half-hazard, fast and furtive process.
Her description of female masturbation seemed very similar to the way a 14 year old boy probably masturbates, under the covers at night, stifling his sounds of pleasure, hoping -to -god no one comes in before he’s finished.
Hell, forget a 14 year old boy, that sounds like the masturbation modus operandis of most adults I know, both men and women.
Minding our P’s and Q’s…Privately, Quietly and Quickly!
Which got me to thinking about the differences between masturbation and self-pleasure.
Masturbation of course, would be the familiar scenario which I described above- one which 99.9% of adult humans can probably relate to.
So what is self-pleasuring? And how (besides the name), does it differ from our usual self-stroking?
#1) The first difference is my state of mind.
We have been taught as a society that self-stimulation is shameful, wrong, dirty, embarassing, etc.
We know that people do it, (especially men), and it’s accepted that they do, but it’s frequently thought of as a way to release physical and emotional “urges”.
Essentially a way to get rid of “too much” energy or emotional agitation. A form of stress release. Which yes, absolutely it is.
But that’s not ALL self-stimualtion can be used for- as just a genital pressure valve so to speak.
If we approach self-stimualtion from only that angle, our focus is mostly on the end result of the journey, and not on the sweet subtle communications of our body, which occur along the road to orgasm.
These subtle fluctuations of pleasure, energy and arousal are a sort of language, and when we take the time to notice the ebb and flow of sensation, (our awareness, our breath), the act of self-stimulation becomes an internal dance of self-discovery and self-awakening.
When we approach self-stimulation with an attitude of self-love and exploration, a new realm of personal connection, personal intimacy, and personal empowerment is awakened.
No longer does our sexual satisfaction lie in the hands of another!
We become responsible for our own sexual enjoyment, and we become personally empowered by the ability to meet our own needs for sexual satisfaction.
#2) Another way in which self-pleasuring differs from masturbation is the time that we devote to the activity.
No more furtive rubbing under the sheets, choking back moans of pleasure, while we attempt to set a new world record for quickest climax!
Self-pleasuring is an act of love– we are literally making love with ourselves, and as we all know that takes time.
How much time is up to you, but I recommend setting aside a good half-hour to an hour at least, just to be with yourself and explore your sexual sensations.
#3) A third way in which self-pleasure differs from traditional masturbation, is in our motivation, our intention.
In masturbation, orgasm is the goal, and we are aiming to achieve that goal as quickly and quietly as possible.
With self-pleasuring, well, the pleasure itself is the goal…. and the self-discovery that arises naturally as a result of taking time and awareness to explore our sexuality.
My personal self-pleasuring practice has facilitated the healing of some of my deepest emotional wounds.
I have healed pains that I did not even know existed, and have been rewarded with greater self-connection, self-confidence, and an inner sense of personal empowerment that only comes from directly experiencing your darkest demons, and recognizing them as unclaimed fragments of your own soul.
It is a practice that I recommend to men and women professionally and privately, and an integral part in becoming a wholly integrated and healthy sexual human being.
To learn more about how you can use the sacred art of self-pleasuring to heal your body, mind, and spirit, please visit me at femininemergence.com and get your free E-Book, 7 Keys to Sensual Satisfaction + 3 Secrets to Better Love and Sex.