What’s Love Got To Do With It? Lifting the Lid on Romance

Listen in on iTunes and Subscribe!

Devi speaks with Barry Selby, The Love Confidant and Author of 50 Ways to Love your Lover.

Listen Live and discover:

  • The trap of online dating
  • Why do the faces change but the experience stays the same?
  • It is not about the other person (objects in the mirror are closer than they appear).
  • Relationship rebound vs. make-up sex.
  • Having sex all day (the art of foreplay).
  • Having better sex by being apart (polarity is the magnet).
  • What to talk about after sex
Barry Selby is The Love Confidant, professional speaker, published author and relationship transformation expert who specializes in empowering his clients to create conscious, passionate and deep relationships. His heart and passion is to empower successful single women to embrace and own their authentic feminine power and attract the best in their men!
 
You can learn more about Barry at:
 

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Stop Faking It! Tips For Getting Real In Bed!

Tantra Communication

Being Authentic is an important part of being. Many people are still not being real with themselves never mind their partners or in bed. Join Devi Ward and Self-Love Guru, Jennifer Masters as they discuss: How being “authentic” means to … Continue reading

How Authentic Tantra Changed My Life: 6 True Life Testimonials

Yin and Yang ~ The Key To Sexual Harmony

Sexual HarmonyYin = feminine, yield/opens, soothes, nurtures, cooling.
Yang = masculine, penetrates, protects, challenges, warming.

Understand this & you will know how to live masculine & feminine polarized in bliss & love.

Do not make the error of attaching to one, both are always merging and becoming the other.

Women must learn to be strong without trying to be like men. It was useful to gain equality and rights, but now it can be an impediment in our sexual culture.

The power of woman is Yin, it is actually stated in some Taoist texts that yin is more powerful, as yin can yield and open to absorb all yang, she is flexible, like a willow tree in the wind, not like an oak tree.

Oak challenges the wind with firmness, and big branches break. The willow just flows and bends, very few branches fall.

Look to the power of Tai Chi, no resistance, bends & flows around the challenge-energy of attack.

The more the challenge-energy attacks, the more there is for the tai chi to overcome that very force, or embrace it and bring it to harmony & peace. Do you see?

The power of woman is magnificent, but not if she tries to use male force against, or in relationship, with male force.

There will only be pain for both.

Women, dance in polarity, openness & yielding in love, blissful, strong at heart, balanced.

Men, protect her, challenge her with love and you will both grow, lovingly penetrate her deeply for long periods of time, hours, without ejaculation and she will treat you like a king, and you will retain your strength, unafraid of woman power.

If we do this the patriarchy that is terrified of women will fall. Then there will be harmony. Get to work!

Learn more about Lasting Longer for Men and The Art of Female Pleasure at www.betterloveandsex.com.

The Arousal Factor…

The Arousal FactorLast week I discussed 2 aspects of “The Libido Issue”-  desire and arousal, and clarified the distinction between the 2.

This week we take an in-depth look at arousal.

Arousal is your body’s ability to respond to sexual stimulation, meaning – when you do engage in sexual activity are you able to enjoy it, and does your body respond the way you would like it to?

If your answer is NO,  fear not, for we have solutions at hand!

There are a few different factors that may be contributing to your body’s seeming lack of cooperation.

Again- it’s important to first rule out any possible medical condition such as hormonal imbalance or deficiency, and confirm that there is no anatomical obstructions of blood vessels, nerves, or arteries.

Once that is done, you can take matters into your own hands (so to speak) and look at these other possible options.

#1) Are you in your head?

Do you have a hard time shifting gears from day to day life, right into sexual response?

Of course you do. Who doesn’t?

Please always take into account the fact that –women especially need some time to “come down” and disengage from our overly active intellectual minds. 

It’s completely unrealistic to expect your body to just instantly respond the minute stimulus is introduced. 

Give yourself some time to get fully present in your body, and CONNECT with it, before demanding that it perform for you.

#2) Are you ready? 

One of my favorite info tidbits to share with people is the fact that women have as much erectile tissue internally as a man does externally.

It just takes us 20-45 minutes to get a hard on!

Expecting your body to instantly respond to any sort of stimulation is again- unrealistic.

It’s kinda like trying to go for a 10 mile run without warming up at all, or driving your car in the freezing cold, without warming up the engine first.

Everyone knows the importance of warming up the engine before going on a long or even short drive. Same applies to your body’s sexual engine.

#3) What are you feeling? 

Do have a lot of anxiety or “should’s” about sex?
How do you feel about your partner?
Are there unexpressed hurts between you?
Have you been sexually or emotionally traumatized?

Part of the beauty in the design of the human body is the fact that we store emotions in the cellular tissue.

It is a very normal and natural function to “desensitize “when are experiencing stress, fear, shame, hurt, guilt, or any kind of emotional pain. 

Thoughts, emotions, and traumas that relate to sexuality or our sexual identity naturally get stored in the genital and pelvic region.

This is why regularly practicing exercises such as the 5 core pelvic movements and vulva massage, are so essential to our sexual health and ongoing sexual pleasure.

In my work, I find that so many women and men are in pain about some aspect of their sexual experience; whether it’s past abuse, religious conditioning, being poorly treated and undervalued in relationship, or simply don’t understand their body and the way it works.

If you have questions about your sexual experience, your sexual pleasure, or even just need some perspective, I invite you to contact me for a free consultation, or shoot me an email anytime.

Often the answer to these questions is a lot simpler and easier than one would think.

All it takes is a little education and a change in perspective.

2 Secrets To Creating More Intimacy in Bed!

The Secret To Intimate Connection by Devi Ward Tantra.

What’s the secret to ongoing intimacy, in and OUT of the bedroom? Most couples agree that they feel more emotionally, mentally, and physically connected with each other, after a good romp in the sack. But generally that yummy feeling of … Continue reading

Organic Love Butter Recipe

For a sweet holiday treat~

Take equal parts organic coconut oil & organic coco butter.

Melt on the stove, stirring it as you go.

When both butters are completely melted and mixed together, pour into a bottle and keep warm, but not hot.

Pour the warmed oil directly on your partners genitals and lick for a choclately-coconut delight!

Yummmm!

3 Differences Between Masturbation and Self-Pleasure

Devi Ward TantraI read an article recently by a woman describing the differences between how men fantasize about us masturbating, and how most of us women actually do masturbate, which she described as a somewhat half-hazard, fast and furtive process.

Her description of female masturbation seemed very similar to the way a 14 year old boy probably masturbates, under the covers at night, stifling his sounds of pleasure, hoping -to -god no one comes in before he’s finished.

Hell, forget a 14 year old boy, that sounds like the masturbation modus operandis of most adults I know, both men and women.

Minding our P’s and Q’s…Privately, Quietly and Quickly!

Which got me to thinking about the differences between masturbation and self-pleasure.

Masturbation of course, would be the familiar scenario which I described above- one which 99.9% of adult humans can probably relate to.

So what is self-pleasuring? And how (besides the name), does it differ from our usual self-stroking?

#1) The first difference is my state of mind.

We have been taught as a society that self-stimulation is shameful, wrong, dirty, embarassing, etc.

We know that people do it, (especially men), and it’s accepted that they do, but it’s frequently thought of as a way to release physical and emotional “urges”.

Essentially a way to get rid of “too much” energy or emotional agitation. A form of stress release. Which yes, absolutely it is.

But that’s not ALL self-stimualtion can be used for- as just a genital pressure valve so to speak.

If we approach self-stimualtion from only that angle, our focus is mostly on the end result of the journey, and not on the sweet subtle communications of our body, which occur along the road to orgasm.

These subtle fluctuations of pleasure, energy and arousal are a sort of language, and when we take the time to notice the ebb and flow of sensation, (our awareness, our breath), the act of self-stimulation becomes an internal dance of self-discovery and self-awakening.

When we approach self-stimulation with an attitude of  self-love and exploration, a new realm of personal connection, personal intimacy, and personal empowerment is awakened.

No longer does our sexual satisfaction lie in the hands of another!

We become responsible for our own sexual enjoyment, and we become personally empowered by the ability to meet our own needs for sexual satisfaction.

#2) Another  way in which self-pleasuring differs from masturbation is the time that we devote to the activity.

No more furtive rubbing under the sheets, choking back moans of pleasure, while we attempt to set a new world record for quickest climax!

Self-pleasuring is an act of love– we are literally making love with ourselves, and as we all know that takes time.

How much time is up to you, but I recommend setting aside a good half-hour to an hour at least, just to be with yourself and explore your sexual sensations.

#3) A third way in which self-pleasure differs from traditional masturbation, is in our motivation, our intention.

In masturbation, orgasm is the goal, and we are aiming to achieve that goal as quickly and quietly as possible.

With self-pleasuring, well, the pleasure itself is the goal…. and the self-discovery that arises naturally as a result of taking time and awareness to explore our sexuality.

My personal self-pleasuring practice has facilitated the healing of some of my deepest emotional wounds.

I have healed pains that I did not even know existed, and have been rewarded with greater self-connection, self-confidence, and an inner sense of personal empowerment that only comes from directly experiencing your darkest demons, and recognizing them as unclaimed fragments of your own soul.

It is a practice that I recommend to men and women professionally and privately, and an integral part in becoming a wholly integrated and healthy sexual human being. 

To learn more about how you can use the sacred art of self-pleasuring to heal your body, mind, and spirit, please visit me at femininemergence.com and get your free E-Book, 7 Keys to Sensual Satisfaction + 3 Secrets to Better Love and Sex.

Sacred Passion

Sexual electricity infuses our every action. When our minds are freed from the tyranny of false virtue, social conditioning, and culturally enforced standards of normalcy, the true, innocent, and shameless expression of our inherent sexual nature is simply expressed.

Without thought, without intent, without fear, or guilt, or shame. We are simply, naturally, divinely, unavoidably sexual beings by nature…and there is nothing UN-sacred about us, at all…ever.

How do I choose to express my sexual energy? A better question would be, how do I not?

For once I became internally free of self, and societally imposed boundaries, there is no place the core essence of me does not go.

That is not to say that I act without discernment. Quite the contrary in fact.

The more sensually empowered I have become, the more connected I have become to the subtle, but flawless intuitive intelligence of my heart, my body, my womanhood.

As a result, I have learned to say “NO” to sexual encounters that were not truly nourishing for my heart.

Because of this, because I have learned to trust my internal “NO”, I am now free to wholly and truly trust my Yes. I trust my yes… I wholly and completely trust. My. Yes.

So how many are the myriad forms of sexual self-expression? Limitless. Limitless, as my sexuality infuses every word I say, every gesture, every nuance. The subtle language of self-acceptance underscoring every action, every thought, every breath.

I express my sexuality through song, through the heartfelt singing of my soul, as I fulfill my sexual appetite through the dancing, moving expression of sensual pleasure. Through the consciousness of my  breathe. Through every movement attuned to the song of rapture, singing in my heart.

I express my sexuality with passion, as I cry tears of loss, and mourn another promise broken, another dream denied, another hope unrealized…. and yet I continue to love, continue to dream, continue to open….eternally.Ever open. Ever. Open.

I expres my sexuality through scent. Inhaling, consuming, devouring the essence of man, ripe and pungent. Naked and raw. I devour his sex/flesh as I devour food, with great relish, laughter, and enjoyment.

I express my sexuality through taste. I love the slippery wet taste-touch of his tongue to mine. The hot ache for union unfulfilled. The torment of a hunger unfed and a thirst yet unquenched. Again, again, again. Can I taste you again…..

I express my sexuality with fire. Hot, smoldering flames of passion and desire.

I bring this passion to life. I bring this passion to all of life, and it is this passion that makes life sacred, raw, real, and utterly divine. For there is nothing more divine than the carnal, mindless merging of  body to body, and breath to breath.

To feel this deeply is sweet agony. Blissful & painful at once. It is what it is, to be human, really.

For the pain defines our pleasure, just as much as the pleasure defines our pain.

And in the realm of human existence, there is no escape from either.