As some of you may know- I often share that one of the main reasons many women may have difficulty experiencing their full orgasmic potential, is a result of unresolved emotions or “traumas” locked in the genital tissue. This frozen … Continue reading
This is a common experience for most women, and one which you may be able to relate to- the kissing is hot, the passion juices are flowing, everything is green light go, but when your partner starts touching your genitals, everything goes a little numb.
It’s as if the rest of your body is vibrant and alive with stereo sound, and the sensation in your genitals is sort of… muted.
Or- you are experiencing pleasure, pleasure, pleasure, and then…oops! Oh god, I lost it! Oh crap, where did it go? Now I’m taking too long,…. maybe if he/she just went a little harder/softer/sideways, etc. etc.
And now you’re lost in your head, trying vainly to recapture those sweet moments of bliss you were just starting to get a glimpse of.
Disconnecting from our pleasure and desire during the sexual experience is very, very, common for many women. Most likely every woman will experience varying degrees of presence during sex, at various times throughout each sexual encounter.
But knowing that doesn’t make it any more fun when it happens.
So the question is- why is it happening and what can you do?
There are a few different reasons for disconnecting during sexual intimacy, and usually one or more of these issues is at play in any given moment:
1) You are have trouble focusing and getting “out of your head”
2) You are distracted by the recurrent thoughts of what would feel better, but are unable to communicate it verbally.
3) You are worrying- i.e. am I taking too long, is my partner is getting bored, are my thighs too fat?
4) You are trying to orgasm, straining, trying to perform
5) You are feeling emotionally unsafe or uncertain
6) You are afraid to really feel the pleasure, because it might be over too soon.
7) You feel uncomfortable with your body, the way it looks, smells, sounds
8) You feel guilty or shameful about sexual pleasure (i.e. good girls don’t like/want/enjoy sex)
9) You were sexually abused or violated in your past
10) You experienced a deep heartbreak, painful break-up, or serious let-down from a past relationship
One of these issues is enough to make your sexual pleasure train derail, but the fact of the matter is- often there are a few of these “sensual saboteurs” going on simultaneously.
So what’s a girl to do?
Well the typical answer is to encourage people to “Be More Present” during sex.
Which I find really unhelpful given that we spend 90% or more of our waking time lost in thought- thinking of what’s next on our “to do” list, being driven by unconscious thoughts and desires – and yet somehow we expect ourselves to just magically know how to get, and stay present, during sex.
But I ask you – if you’re unable to be present in other area of your life, how could you expect to be instantly present for this area of your life?
If you want to be more present and connect to your body during sex, I invite you to practice BEING present and connected to your body, in every other moment of your life.
Which is a great thing to say, but how do you actually do it?
The quickest, fastest route for getting present in your body, and out of your head, is by focusing on your breath.
Wherever you are, in any moment, simply notice your breathing pattern.
First- Notice if you are taking short, shallow rabbit breaths, (which is a symptom of fight or flight response,) or are you taking nice full belly breaths. Most likely if you are lost in thoughts and worry about past or future, you are in “fight or flight” response.
Next- take a few nice deep conscious breaths, and FEEL your body.
Feel your lungs and belly expand with air, feel your ribcage lift and open to allow in more life essence. Feel the slow, sweet process of life happening within you.
Then- notice how your body feels. Are there any areas of tension or stress? Take a few moments to consciously breath into any areas of physical, emotional, or energetic tension. Bring your conscious awareness and your breath to these areas, and relax.
I invite you to do this exercise for 5-10 minutes, several times during your day. Some people call this meditation, or you can simply think of it as “body – awareness.”
After practicing being present for a while outside of your sexual experience, I invite you to do the same practice of self-awareness during your sexual experience.
Become aware of your breathing pattern during sexual pleasure, and consciously practice taking deep full breathes.
Instead of following thoughts in your head, follow the sensations in your body, and when they run into little obstacles, (or “blocks to bliss”), breathe into those areas of tension and dullness, and practice relaxing, softening, and letting go.
You may find a whole new depth of pleasure, connection, and joy in your sexual experience, and a profound intimacy with yourself and your significant other.
Wanna experience your FULL orgasmic potential as a woman? I invite you to contact me and begin creating your Personal Pleasure Program for awakening your true sexual pleasure potential!
From Chapter 2. of “Shake Your Soul-Song! A Woman’s Guide To Self-Empowerment Through The Art Of Self-Pleasure” We are born into this world of sensory experience~ sight, sound, taste, touch, and smell. Each of our 5 senses also relates to … Continue reading
Make no mistake.
And it’s a war on women.
An organized assault against our sexuality, our personal expression, and yes my friends, yet again, our reproductive rights.
The very WHITE, (Caucasian), very MALE, and very mainstream republican party have proclaimed self-appointed stewardship over our pussies, and it’s time to take them back.
“But I already own my pussy” you may think.
Well I am here to tell you that although it may be physically attached to your body, it is not yours to do with as you wish, with whom you wish, and here’s why.
#1) You live in a culture that condones violence against sexually expressive women.
“Slut shaming” is a term used to describe the verbal and social denigration of a woman who engages in sexual activity outside of prescribed social moral boundaries.
Slut Shaming is verbally and emotionally violent. And it only occurs towards women.
Slut Shaming is a direct expression of social disapproval of a woman’s SEXUAL behavior, (i.e. what she is doing with her pussy, with whom, & how much.)
You know for certain that slut shaming is occurring when women are being vilified for their sexual expression, (most recent example being Kristin Stewart) and the men with whom they have engaged sexually are completely ignored, and their “transgressions” are overlooked….“boys will be boys.”
#2) As a result of our need for social acceptance, we typically avoid engaging in behavior that our culture has conditioned us to believe is “wrong” , and that could cause us to be ostracized or ridiculed in any way.
This applies to our sexual expression more than anything.
As a result of this subconscious fear we hold back from exploring, expressing, or even fully enjoying our sexuality, and tend to let men (society) inform us what sexual behavior is acceptable for “good girls” to engage in, and what is not.
(i.e. she’s a slut, whore, tramp, hole, etc. for her sexual behavior, even though it was HIS cock that was being fucked and sucked. She’s a WHORE for doing it and even worse if she liked it!)
These typically wealthy, white men have been castrating women’s sexual self-expression for centuries, and now ridiculously, here it comes again, though it’s covered up in sugar candy coating of American Values.
Unless we want our next few years on earth to go down like the modern version of the inquisition, it’s important that we women become educated about what sexual empowerment really means, and not just for ourselves.
It’s vital that we women support each other in our sexual empowerment.
It will not work for one woman in the room to be embodying sexual empowerment, and the rest of the women to act out subconscious social-sexual programming and vilify her for it.
Participating in shaming a woman in anyway for her sexual self- expression is VIOLENCE, and if you are a woman doing that to another woman, you are perpetuating the bullshit patriarchal agenda of culture that condones violence against women.
Women can be cruel to each other. It’s time for that to stop.
Conquer and divide is a great way of keeping women sexually disconnected & disempowered, and unless women unite as a WHOLE and reclaim their sexual sovereignty, this revolution of consciousness can not attain any true momentum.
The healing begins with communities of women, supporting each other in reclaiming connection to their sexual pleasure and celebrating unbridled sensual expression.
United we stand, divided we fall. Pussies of the world unite.
So what can you do?
#1) GET EDUCATED. Our sexual potential as women is fucking mind bowing. Literally. With over 8 (11 or more) kinds of orgasm that we can experience, very few of us have tapped our full orgasmic potential. Why is this important? Because sexual energy is LIFE energy. It opens your heart, frees your mind and heals your body. That is POWER! And it is YOUR power. Your birthright. Fucking claim it.
#2) Masturbate. Yes. Do it. Do it a lot, in a variety of different ways. Explore your vagina. Don’t wait for the right man to come along and give you permission to experience sexual pleasure. It is your for the taking, right now. The best way to own your pussy is to touch your pussy. A lot.
#3) Dance Sexy. Believe it or not we hold many of these subconscious restrictions to our sexual self-expression, in our bodies, particularly the pelvis. Opening your lower body with the 5 core pelvic movements and sacred erotic dance will change your life, because you have to feel your vulva and vagina to do these movements.
You will discover the power of your pussy in a whole new way.
I like to say “Free your ass and your mind will follow.”
Our empowerment as women is directly related to the level of freedom and comfort we feel with our sexual expression.
If we are emotionally imprisoned by fear, guilt, and sexual shame, we are partially crippled as human beings, and will die without having realized our full personal, emotional, or spiritual potential.
I invite women everywhere to step up and step out of the psychological prison of sexual repression and claim your birthright to sexual pleasure.
The revolution begins in your vagina. Own it.
If you would like to find out how to take your pussy back with The 4 Principles of Self-Pleasure, visit me at Feminine Emergence.com and schedule a 4 Session Sensual Empowerment Coaching Program.
Let me know if you liked this post below, and share it! Spread the word and start a revolution:)
- 66 Days Of Self-Pleasure (deviward.wordpress.com)
On September 1st, 2012 I will officially begin my 66 days of self-pleasure, which could more accurately be titled 66 days of celibacy, except that I WILL be having sex. Lots of it. Just with myself and no-one else. For … Continue reading
If you have ever watched a scary movie you know that usually the first person to get killed by the psycho axe murderer, is the girl who has sex.
She’s usually the bubbly, giggly, provocative one in really short shorts, who has no qualms about “going all the way”, while the girl who survives the slaughter is the one who has retained her chastity, and denied the sexual advances of her male suitors.
This may seem insignificant all on it’s own, but this is a common theme that runs throughout all the cultural media that we are exposed to, from the time that we begin listening to bedtime stories and Walt Disney fairy tales, to the time that we read teen novels, Harlequin romance.
We receive our education or “guidance” in this culture about what is socially acceptable behavior for men & women to engage in through our stories, our television shows, our movies, and other forms of media.
We are repeatedly shown images that first suggest to us preferred behavior patterns, and then reinforce that suggestion again, and again, and again, until it becomes a subconscious belief system that we are operating from without even knowing.
Advertisers are well aware of the power of repetition, which is why the same commercials, songs, and advertisements are played ad nauseum. I am 37 years old as I write this book, and to this day I still remember that Dunkin’ Donuts commercial from the East coast that played during the early 80’s, which showed a man rising early every morning with the statement “It’s time to make the donuts!”
I have confused many a friend and lover when I have spent the night at their house, and awoken in the morning singing “Time to make the donuts!” They look at me very confused and say “I didn’t know you were making donuts this morning, wow, what a treat.”
They are inevitably disappointed when I explain to them that donuts will not be forth-coming that particular morning, and that it is simply my cultural conditioning playing out. Yes I’m a joy to sleep with.
We are programmed from birth to accept certain behaviors, certain ideas, and certain beliefs all as part of our social conditioning. And yes, this is a vital function for us as humans, part of socialization so we can co-exist with a degree of relative, if not absolute harmony.
Yet, many of the belief systems that we have been conditioned to accept, especially in regards to our sexuality, are debilitating and harmful, and they are external suggestions that we have subconsciously accepted as our own.
These culturally conditioned belief systems control how we think and feel about our own sexuality, preventing us from innocently exploring that aspect of our HUMANITY, preventing us from knowing and understanding the truth of our own bodies, and our inherent connection to divinity that can be realized through our sensual awareness & sexual bliss.
We have been conditioned to fear our sexuality as women by the social suggestion that bad things happen to “those” kind of girls.
“Good girls don’t, bad girls do.” And who wants to be a bad girl? Cripes!
Bad girls at best get knocked up and live on the wrong side of the tracks in abject poverty, raising a child or two on their own, being social outcasts.
At worst, they get raped and killed, and end up in ditch somewhere, all for wearing a skirt that was too short, and having had too many lovers before.
The Walt Disney syndrome encourages all little “good girls” (and then teenage girls, and then grown women) to “wait” and wish and dream for the handsome prince who will ride up on his shining white horse, give us the kiss of life, and awaken us to a glorious new world of happily ever after.
The underlying suggestions of these stories are:
a) The girl has been living a life of relative suffering or boredom without out him.
b) She is under an evil spell and is sleeping or “dormant” (sexually dormant)
c) He is overcome with her beauty (pretty girls always win) and gives her the “kiss of life” (i.e. again, she is sexually dormant until the big strong handsome man comes and awakens her sexually)
d) They ride off into the sunset, and live happily ever after, her arms wrapped lovingly around his waist, her savior.
So what does this “fairytale” imply to my young and girlish mind?
It implies that; my happiness as a woman is dependent upon finding the right man to “save me” and life does not really begin until that first kiss.
It implies that; my sexual awakening lies in the hands of the perfect man, “my prince”, and that I lie in relative dormancy, living an un-awakened and somewhat unfulfilled life, until he the right man arrives.
And of course I am chaste and demure until that day, just wishing, dreaming, hoping, someday….
And thus I wonder, how many women are still waiting for the “right man” in order to finally “find happiness”?
How many women found “prince charming” only to have him leave her for another woman 10 years and 2 kids down the road?
How many of us kissed man, after man, after man, desperately hoping, wishing and praying that he would finally be THE ONE, and we could finally be happy, the search would be over, life has now begun!
The point I am trying to make with all of this is that- from the time we are little girls, we are overtly and subtly conditioned through various types of cultural suggestion to believe that our life happiness and sexual pleasure lies in the hands of a man, our handsome prince, THE ONE.
Even the wildly popular “modern” female erotic book 50 Shades of Grey follows the pattern of – sexually awkward and un awakened young woman, meets older, wealthy, and sexually powerful man, who takes her under his wing and proceeds to awaken her to her own sexual pleasure. She is enraptured and falls under his spell. Devoted to this one man who has awoken her and given her the kiss of life.
This reads like a Harlequin Romance, but set in modern day. A sexed up version of Snow White and Cinderella, with descriptions of what happens in the bedroom of the big castle, at the end of their sunset ride.
Women are dissuaded from consciously exploring their own sexual pleasure, beyond a clitoral orgasm here and there, and many times not even that.
I have had many women share with me that they have never self-stimulated in any way, and felt very uncomfortable with the thought of doing so for themselves. As if giving themselves sexual pleasure somehow takes away from their partner.
I remember thinking for most of my life that the inside of my vagina was “his territory” , to be reserved for men, or “the right man” to explore.
I was horrified at the thought of sticking something inside of me for my own pleasure, and did so with great reservation and quite tentatively at first, as if I would somehow damage the sanctity of my vagina by daring to venture into that territory by myself.
This fear of owning, knowing, exploring, and understanding our own physical-sexual pleasure keeps us fragmented, helpless, weak, confused, & dis-empowered in life.
This fear keeps us disconnected from our own intuition, and the inherent knowing that arises from being deeply connected to our bodies and the visceral responses that they give us as guidance. The body knows what it wants. There is a deep instinctive wisdom that we can tap into when we honor the information that it gives using the form of sensations. Pleasure/happy=good, pain/yucky = bad or dangerous. It is that simple.
When we remain ignorant of the most basic understanding of how we feel we offer up control of not just our own pleasure, but our own clear wisdom and choices into the hands of another person, usually our male partners.
Which is also dis-empowering for them, as they are now charged with the task of being responsible for our sexual pleasure & satisfaction, without any real guidance of how to do so.
I believe The Walt Disney Syndrome contributes to sexual dissatisfaction for both men and women, (and partners of all genders) by encouraging unrealistic expectations for both parties. Women believe that the “perfect man” will know how to kiss her perfectly, and fulfill every sexual longing she has ever had (all of her sexual longings being fed her through media, fairy tales, and romance novels such as 50 Shades of Grey).
Read more about Female Sexual Empowerment in my new book- “Shake Your Soul-Song! A Woman’s Guide To Self-Empowerment Through The Art Of Self-Pleasure”
Get a coupon for $5 off your copy when you register for my 7 Favorite Sensual Enrichment Suggestions.
What do you think of The Walt Disney Syndrome? Please share your thoughts and comments below.
Like this article? Share it and spread the word!
- Female Sexual Revolution~Why It’s Time To Take Your Pu**Y Back. (deviward.wordpress.com)
- 66 Days Of Self-Pleasure (deviward.wordpress.com)
Really Powerful Article written by Body Divine Yoga. “Tantriks saw the body not as bondage but as the gateway to power, freedom, ecstasy and bliss. They dove “deep into ocean of the passions in order to harvest the pearls of … Continue reading
Recently I had a video banned by Youtube for being “too explicit”. Sexually that is. It’s a trailer clip for our online Authentic Tantra Education, which features live Yoni-G-spot massage demonstrations, featuring yours truly as the “Demo Model”. I also … Continue reading
As part of our promotion, we enjoy having video trailers of some of the course content so that you, our audience, can have a better idea of what it is we are actually offering you.
We offer detailed instruction in G-spot-Yoni massage for sexual healing & awakening the multi-orgasmic potential of every woman.
As we are doing the demonstrations LIVE, we were thrilled to capture on film myself (Devi Ward) go through the process of an actual Authentic Tantric healing during the session.
We created a video trailer for this particular course that includes footage of the beginning and end of the G-spot-Yoni Massage healing process, so that people would have a chance to see the natural and authentic beauty of this process.
The video trailer contains NO visible nudity, no explicit sexual content, no genital visuals, nothing that is actually “pornographic” in nature.
What you DO see, is Tantric Breathing with my partner, heart-centered connection, emotional intimacy, and me crying and releasing emotional sexual trauma, while my partner lovingly holds space for healing.
And yet, YouTube banned this video, not once but TWICE, on the grounds that it’s content was “pornographic and inappropriate”.
I appealed their decision, as they clearly states in their content guideline that “YouTube makes exceptions regarding nudity for appropriate educational, documentary, artistic and scientific contexts, but only in limited circumstances where the purpose of posting is clear and any nudity it is not sexual in nature.”
And yet, when I did a youtube search for “naked girls” these are some of the video’s that came up:
Big Tits Boob Ass Shaking–which features a 12-16 year old girl in g-string panties, being explicitly sexually suggestive
Sexy Strip Tease Naked Porn– Featuring a young woman stripping for a porn interview
Apparently these video’s are NOT considered abnormally sexually explicit or suggestive, and our Tantra Education Trailer is, maybe because you can see my partners hand covering my genitals.
Apparently that isn’t appropriate for public consumption.
What do YOU think?
Is our Tantra Trailer too sexy for YouTube, or is the problem on their end, with the powers that be?
Leave your comment below or share on Facebook!
- What is Tantric Sex? (deviward.wordpress.com)
- The Best Orgasm of My Life~Female Masturbation Tips (deviward.wordpress.com)
- Authentic Tantra 101~ Sexy in Vancity Radio Interview (deviward.wordpress.com)
- Why Erotic Dance is Sacred (deviward.wordpress.com)
There’s a lot of talk these days about Female Orgasms– The 11 different kinds vs. none, Is it easy, is it hard, should we focus on it, or not put so much pressure on ourselves for the “end goal” of climax. … Continue reading