Yin and Yang ~ The Key To Sexual Harmony

Sexual HarmonyYin = feminine, yield/opens, soothes, nurtures, cooling.
Yang = masculine, penetrates, protects, challenges, warming.

Understand this & you will know how to live masculine & feminine polarized in bliss & love.

Do not make the error of attaching to one, both are always merging and becoming the other.

Women must learn to be strong without trying to be like men. It was useful to gain equality and rights, but now it can be an impediment in our sexual culture.

The power of woman is Yin, it is actually stated in some Taoist texts that yin is more powerful, as yin can yield and open to absorb all yang, she is flexible, like a willow tree in the wind, not like an oak tree.

Oak challenges the wind with firmness, and big branches break. The willow just flows and bends, very few branches fall.

Look to the power of Tai Chi, no resistance, bends & flows around the challenge-energy of attack.

The more the challenge-energy attacks, the more there is for the tai chi to overcome that very force, or embrace it and bring it to harmony & peace. Do you see?

The power of woman is magnificent, but not if she tries to use male force against, or in relationship, with male force.

There will only be pain for both.

Women, dance in polarity, openness & yielding in love, blissful, strong at heart, balanced.

Men, protect her, challenge her with love and you will both grow, lovingly penetrate her deeply for long periods of time, hours, without ejaculation and she will treat you like a king, and you will retain your strength, unafraid of woman power.

If we do this the patriarchy that is terrified of women will fall. Then there will be harmony. Get to work!

Learn more about Lasting Longer for Men and The Art of Female Pleasure at www.betterloveandsex.com.

What Does Prioritizing Pleasure Really Mean?

Devi Ward Pleasure ProgramsI speak quite often about the importance of creating time and space for self-pleasure in our daily lives.

I have believed in this concept strongly enough to write a book about it,  as well as it being a “practice” that I live and teach.

Yet recently I have come to discover a whole new meaning for the phrase “self-pleasure,” and come to understand what it reallly means to practice the “Art” of it.

Most people will agree that our day to day lives are busy, and we tend to keep our minds busy with the mental check list of all of things we need to get done.

And for many of us, myself included, self-pleasure was placed some where on that  mental check list of “more things to do.”

Grocery shopping. Check.

Self-pleasure.  Yep, check.

But the actual experience of “self-pleasure” was just one more thing to “fit in” to my already busy life.

Lately  though, I have been unable to live by my scheduled “to do” list, because my body has NOT been co-operating.

It has not allowed me to fullfill my daily scheduled routine of up at 8, tea until 9, meditate until 10, work until 5, etc. etc.

My body has been screaming for rest, and thwarting my attempts at forward movement in life with an array of abnormal symptoms such as headaches, nausea, insomnia, all of which have forced me to ride the ebb and flow of my available life-force energy throughout the day.

(For those of you out in blog land who may be concerned, there is nothing actually physically wrong with me. Just having a brief phase of energetic detox, which sometimes comes from doing too much Tibetan Dharma practice too fast, which I am inclined to do on many occasions.)

The point of all of this is- in being unable to rightly manage my to do list, and stay on top of my “Self-Pleasure Program” like a good little soldier, I have been given the opportunity to simply ask myself in each moment “what would give me the most pleasure right now?”

What would I LIKE to do, not what SHOULD I be doing to get my list done, to be in integrity with my practice, to move forward in life, etc. etc. etc.

I have been, shall we say, encouraged by recent events to completely let go of my should list, and so have for the last several days, moved purely from the place of WANT.

And from this, a beautiful and amazing thing has occurred.

I am actually getting MORE accomplished in less time, AND I feel good doing it.

Instead of operating from the heavy overwhelming cloud of “I have to get this done,” or some internal drive to achieve, accomplish, and be, be, be somebody, someone, something, (which by the way was a mostly subconscious thought stream, driving me like a cruel task master,) I have literally been flowing into each moment like an orgasm, using my pleasure in that moment as my guide.

Asking myself  in each moment, without judgement “What would give me the most pleasure right now?”

And sometimes the the answer will be; a bath, or a cup of tea and a Stephen King novel. Other times the answer will be; to write, to work, to share.

Several times in one day the answer was sexual self-pleasure and orgasms. Whatever the answer has been, I have allowed that to be the truth of what my soul wants in that moment, and honored it as a unquestioningly as the body’s need for water when thirsty, and food when hungry.

I believe our souls are starving for the nourishment that comes from non-doing, and THAT is what the art of self-pleasure is really all about. It’s not about putting one more thing on your “to do” list.

It’s about listening in and attuning to the subtle voice of your soul, and using the inherent wisdom of the body and it’s capacity for pleasure to be your guide.

It’s about being present with those activities in life that contribute to your inner sense of nourishment, self-love, and wholeness.

Now granted, the truth in our lives is that there are things to get done, obligations to fulfill (especially with children), and tasks to accomplish.

BUT, that does not mean that we have to sacrifice enjoyment.

We can find pleasure in the daily doings of life, and chances are when we aren’t experiencing pleasure in the moment, it’s because we’re not actually really present in that moment.

We’re usually thinking of what we have to do next on our to do list, right?

So I invite you to share below- what are some of your favorite ways to meet your needs for self-pleasure, that aren’t on your “to do” list?

Tantric “Sluts” or Living Goddesses: Why it Matters

Tantra Workshops, Personal Coaching

Really Powerful Article written by Body Divine Yoga. “Tantriks saw the body not as bondage but as the gateway to power, freedom, ecstasy and bliss. They dove “deep into ocean of the passions in order to harvest the pearls of … Continue reading

What is Tantric Sex?

Everything you ever wanted to know about Tantric Sex.

What it is, Where it came from, and How it works.

Described in detail by Authentic Tantra Educator, Jacques Drouin of Authentic Tantra.com, with stunning visuals to embellish the experience.

Find out for yourself what Tantric Sex is all about!

Why Erotic Dance is Sacred

Tantra in Vancouver & SeattleMy latest 8 week Sacred Erotic Dance Series began on April 18th, 2012.

20 women of all ages, shapes, sizes, and ethnicities filled the dance space to begin their own personal journey of sensual healing and empowerment, through Sacred Erotic Dance™.

After our first class ended, many of the women approached me to express their feelings of excitement, exhilaration, gratitude, and enjoyment for the emotional, mental, and physical healing power of this particular movement modality.

The conversation got me thinking about what makes Sacred Erotic Dance™ so, well…. Sacred?

There are a few different answers to that question, and they begin with understanding more about how the mind, body, & emotions work together, to create our internal and external experiences.

We are all familiar with the idea of holding tension, or stress in the body. In our shoulders, our backs, etc. We also store tension, stress, and emotions deep in the cellular tissue of our bodies. So not just the surface muscles are affected by tension, but the actual cells themselves hold trapped energy, tension, trauma, stress.

What causes stress? We often think that the cause of our stress is external, and that does play a part in it. But the true cause of stress is our relationship to our external life circumstances, not the circumstances themselves.

We are born into, grow-up, and live in a culture, (planet really) that has a challenging relationship with sexuality, and sexual expression.

As women, we are quite literally programmed with the subtle suggestion that “good girls don’t and bad girl’s do”.

Do what? Enjoy sex, embody sex, are empowered in sex. Right?

What subtle emotional reaction do you have when you think of “embodying sex”?

My mind immediately went to images of Jessica Rabbit, seductress, something smoky, alluring, and slightly dangerous.

Something to be regarded with caution, safe on the movie screen and in fantasy, but not real life. Something other than me.

This is an example of the subconscious, subtle programming to which I am referring. As women, we are conditioned to fear not just our own sexuality, but that of other women as well.

And we are terrified of fully embodying our sexuality (whatever that may look like), because of the largely unspoken cultural prohibitions against doing so.

Yet, we are encouraged through media that “sex sells” and we need to be “sexy” to get the right guy.

So it’s okay for us to look sexy (within certain social accepted boundaries), but not to truly own & “embody” fully empowered sexual expression.

Part of the issue is that we simply don’t have many role models for what healthy and empowered sexuality looks like.

Our sex symbols generally have some stigma associated  with them as well. Marilyn Monroe was an emotional mess, Angelina Joile is a homewrecker, etc.

And, the only women that we visually see fully engaging in sexual pleasure are porn stars, and the social stigma associated with that goes without mention.

So the point in all of this, is that, our emotional relationship to our sexuality is largely determined by our social and cultural conditioning.

And the conflicting messages that we receive growing up and living in this culture, result in a dysfunctional relationship to our sexuality as women, and an internal emotional landscape of  confusion, fear, guilt, repression, curiosity, you name it.

This emotional confusion get stored in the physical body, particularly the pelvic region, as this is where we store most of our sexual-life energy.

This emotional confusion works effectively to create a sort of psychological chastity belt, that then translates to how we move in our bodies, how we “embody”.

Sacred Erotic Dance is designed to be the medicine healing cure for this. Movement is medicine, Pleasure is medicine, so we combine both of those very potent remedies into one, to create freedom, transformation, healing and growth.

The foundation of Sacred Erotic Dance™ are the 5 core pelvic movements, combined with Authentic Tantra™ methods, breath, awareness, and presence.

Each of the 5 core pelvic movements is designed to open a new area of your body, expand your range of pelvic motion, shake off the psychological chastity belt of social sexual conditioning, and liberate you to your true sensual potential as a woman.

That is what makes Erotic Dance Sacred. 

It is a process of healing, transformation, personal sensual empowerment, sexual embodiment, and growth.

It is a process in which you will reclaim and reawaken aspects of yourself that have been latent, lain dormant under the unspoken suggestion by our society, that you as a women are not allowed to truly embody your divine feminine essence. That to fully embody your sexuality as a woman is not acceptable, and further more, it is not safe.

Through Sacred Erotic Dance™, you will begin to cultivate a relationship of playfulness, healthy curiosity, and self-exploration.

Together in class, we celebrate the sexiness of our sisters, as we reclaim the sexiness of ourselves.

It is an environment of co-creation, collaboration, encouragement and mutual support.

It is sacred sisterhood, the true relationship of fully empowered women.

What is Sacred about Sacred Erotic Dance? It can be unique & different for every woman, yet similar and congruent with the all.

Join me, Devi Ward and Feminine Emergence, and find out for yourself what makes Sacred Erotic Dance so very sacred.


Sacred Passion

Sexual electricity infuses our every action. When our minds are freed from the tyranny of false virtue, social conditioning, and culturally enforced standards of normalcy, the true, innocent, and shameless expression of our inherent sexual nature is simply expressed.

Without thought, without intent, without fear, or guilt, or shame. We are simply, naturally, divinely, unavoidably sexual beings by nature…and there is nothing UN-sacred about us, at all…ever.

How do I choose to express my sexual energy? A better question would be, how do I not?

For once I became internally free of self, and societally imposed boundaries, there is no place the core essence of me does not go.

That is not to say that I act without discernment. Quite the contrary in fact.

The more sensually empowered I have become, the more connected I have become to the subtle, but flawless intuitive intelligence of my heart, my body, my womanhood.

As a result, I have learned to say “NO” to sexual encounters that were not truly nourishing for my heart.

Because of this, because I have learned to trust my internal “NO”, I am now free to wholly and truly trust my Yes. I trust my yes… I wholly and completely trust. My. Yes.

So how many are the myriad forms of sexual self-expression? Limitless. Limitless, as my sexuality infuses every word I say, every gesture, every nuance. The subtle language of self-acceptance underscoring every action, every thought, every breath.

I express my sexuality through song, through the heartfelt singing of my soul, as I fulfill my sexual appetite through the dancing, moving expression of sensual pleasure. Through the consciousness of my  breathe. Through every movement attuned to the song of rapture, singing in my heart.

I express my sexuality with passion, as I cry tears of loss, and mourn another promise broken, another dream denied, another hope unrealized…. and yet I continue to love, continue to dream, continue to open….eternally.Ever open. Ever. Open.

I expres my sexuality through scent. Inhaling, consuming, devouring the essence of man, ripe and pungent. Naked and raw. I devour his sex/flesh as I devour food, with great relish, laughter, and enjoyment.

I express my sexuality through taste. I love the slippery wet taste-touch of his tongue to mine. The hot ache for union unfulfilled. The torment of a hunger unfed and a thirst yet unquenched. Again, again, again. Can I taste you again…..

I express my sexuality with fire. Hot, smoldering flames of passion and desire.

I bring this passion to life. I bring this passion to all of life, and it is this passion that makes life sacred, raw, real, and utterly divine. For there is nothing more divine than the carnal, mindless merging of  body to body, and breath to breath.

To feel this deeply is sweet agony. Blissful & painful at once. It is what it is, to be human, really.

For the pain defines our pleasure, just as much as the pleasure defines our pain.

And in the realm of human existence, there is no escape from either.

Glories of God? Retain Your Semen!

As Gedun Chopel said, “if a man cannot retain his semen, a woman will never know the glories of passion”.

Glory by the way is translated as “lights, the lights of God”.

 Men are capable of 5 different types of orgasm!

Men can and DO orgasm without ejaculating.

Ejaculation is just ONE  flavor of orgasm!

In brief; a man squirts, losing his jing and passion, the loving is over, now he has to recover, which takes 4 to 8 days (by age).

He is turned inward energetically and… is not really available to his lover.

Also, she is unsatisfied and frustrated. The average time of penetration, until ejaculation is between 2 & 10 minutes. Think about it….it takes most people longer to brush their teeth!

By retaining he can make love for as long as he wants, and as he orgasms w/out squirt, he becomes stronger, healthier, and more present.

His orgasms feed his lover in many ways, and she is satisfied and happy w/ him.

He is not depleted and remains emotionally present w/out withdrawal.

This has a powerful effect on relationships!

The connection that results from such lovemaking is vastly deep and clear, blissful in fact.

And, he has no loss of desire for her, wanting her more than ever, and he is ready for her whenever she desires.

How do you think a woman will feel when a man takes several hours to pleasure and delight her in so many ways her head spins, and then he makes love to her until she has literally blown her mind?

Interested in finding out?

Article  written by Jacques Drouin

==

Tantra 101- The Sex Education You Didn’t Get in School

Tantra…a loaded word in today’s society. Misconceptions abound, due to the many different interpretations of what Tantric practice actually is.

For some, Tantra is about learning to communicate more authentically in their relationships. For others it means learning to give & receive heart centered touch.

For many it is a path of sexual healing and sensual empowerment, and in some cases, Tantra is simply another word for hand-job.

In the Western world, what Tantra actually IS seems to depend on who is offering the service and their particular orientation to the path. I was fortunate as I embarked upon my Tantric Journey, to encounter instructors who had authentic methods to share, and were committed to engaging those methods for the purpose of healing, transformation, and liberation.

Tantra was for me, and continues to be, the sexual education that we all should have had, but didn’t get.

The absence of REAL sexual education in our culture occurs for a variety of reasons, first and foremost being the fact that, although many of the physiological and psychological benefits of Tantric sexual practices have been “scientifically” or medically proven, they are not common knowledge.

As a result, awareness of these methods (and their benefits), are not yet integrated into the conventional western approach to sexuality, which is where our so-called “sexual education” comes from.

The highest purpose for Tantric Sexual Practice, at least according to Vajrayana Buddhism, is the realization of  voidness, or enlightenment.

This is achieved not through warm fuzzy feelings and deep eye-gazing (though those may occur), but through the application of physical techniques designed to enhance and prolong sexual pleasure, as well as meditative practices engaged, during the act of physical union.

Which are all great and wonderful things, but how does that actually lead to any sort of realization?

It was explained to me like this; at the moment of orgasm, the “winds” or moving energies of the genitals, brush the central channel, which is the core of our life force.When this happens, we get a glimpse or taste of voidness,.. i.e. enlightenment.

Think of that moment of orgasm, those few brief seconds of bliss, and that internal sense of freedom, expansiveness & joy… not to mention pleasure! That momentary experience is just a hint of what is possible.

Imagine extending that fleeting moment of orgasm to last several minutes, sometimes hours. Imagine experiencing the bliss of orgasm over and over again during one lovemaking session, and having the tools in your hands to repeat that experience as often as you’d like.

Quite a different state of affairs than our conventional “sex ed”.

And all of that is just a description of the mechanics, relating to the esoteric aspect of Tantra.

So what happens on the physical level during sexuality?

When human beings engage in sexual activity, the body begins producing a rich abundance of life-giving and anti-aging hormones and chemistries in the body. Some of these chemistries are not produced in any other way!

The very act of becoming sexually aroused initiates this bio-chemical process, and the more time we are able to spend in this state of sexual arousal and enjoyment, the more these life-giving chemistries are able to permeate our very cells.

A stronger immune system, increased cell renewal, improved brain function and prolonged life-span are just a few of the benefits you can count on experiencing as a result of Tantric practices.

And then, there are the emotional and psychological benefits that occur through Tantra.

We humans tend to store emotional and psychological traumas in the body and sexual organs. An emotional/psychological trauma can be as severe as physical or sexual abuse, or as seemingly minute as being emotionally rejected or hurt in some way.

Our life experiences leave imprints upon us, whether positive or negative.

The energy patterns of these imprints are held in our bodies and may inhibit our ability to relate freely with the present moment and our partner.

Tantric practices often take this into account, employing many methods of deepening the sense of connection and presence within oneself and partner. This facilitates an environment of safety and trust, which is essential for deep healing to occur.

In this environment, techniques such as vulva, yoni, g-spot and sacred sector massage can be practiced with depth and presence, and the potential for life-altering transformation can be realized.

Freedom of sexual expression, and fullness of sensual enjoyment can then be more easily and regularly experienced.

What I LOVE about Tantric practice, is that the methods are simple, easy and so very effective.

Yes, it takes courage to embark upon a path of growth. Whether you are interested in Tantra for “spiritual realization” or you simply want better sex, in order to get from here to there, some sort of growth must occur.

BUT, with the correct methods and tools, that growth can be rapid and ever so rewarding.

Like any new skill that we learn, Tantra takes time and practice (but what a FUN thing to practice!) and it is a commitment to a new way of life…a better way of life in my opinion. Time…practice… patience… growth, reward, joy, and an ever increasing sense of  fulfillment in life.

I’ll buy that!

Register for your FREE Authentic Tantra Online Education Course and begin learning Authentic Tantra in the comfort & privacy of your own home, no matter where you are!

Semen Retention…What is it & Why Bother?

As a Tantric Sexuality Educator, one of the fundamental methods that we teach for prolonging sexual pleasure is the art of semen retention. But what is semen retention and why would one bother learning it, much less incorporating it into everyday sexuality?

Semen Retention has several different purposes, the ultimate being the cultivation of male multiple, whole-body orgasms, as well as the conservation of life-giving, anti-aging chemistries, that are generated in a man’s body during sexual arousal.

Very few people are aware that orgasm and ejaculation are actually 2 separate functions of the nervous system, and can be differentiated to the point where men are able to have a full orgasmic experience with no emission.

Dr. Charles Buchar states – ” Orgasm is a peak emotional and physical experience (relating to the parasympathetic nervous system), whereas ejaculation is simply a reflex action occurring at the lower portion of the spinal cord and resulting in ejection of semen.”

By using physical semen retention techniques or “holds”, a man is able to relax into the sensation of orgasm, without the fear of losing his essence, thus prolonging the orgasmic experience and paving the way for multiple orgasms.

The more these techniques are practiced, the easier and more natural it becomes for a man to orgasm without ejaculation.

At a certain point, most men actually prefer this type of orgasm, as it lasts significantly longer than an ejaculatory orgasm, and has the potential to be more powerful, intensely pleasurable, and downright delicious!

Most of our male students have immediately identified with the sense of physical depletion that usually follows an ejaculatory orgasm. Men rolling over and falling asleep after lovemaking is a socially accepted and supported norm. Men often use ejaculatory orgasms to “relax”, not understanding that it’s the orgasm that relaxes the body, not the ejaculation.

As a result, many conventional western sexologists actually contribute to the perpetuation of sexual difficulties, by suggesting that regular ejaculation is “good for you”.

Taoist Masters (such as Mantak Chia) have taught Semen Retention for centuries, as a method for cultivating health, longevity, and for correcting sexual dysfunctions such as Erectile Dysfunction and Premature Ejaculation.

This ancient approach to physical and sexual health can also contribute greatly to the health and happiness of our intimate relationships.

In his book “The Tao of Health, Sex and Longevity” Daniel Reid sheds some light on how semen retention can actually enhance relationships by stating – ‘ Semen essence is the fuel that drives male sexuality. It is the source not only of physical capacity for sex, but also of sexual interest and emotional affection for the opposite gender.’

Thus – “A man who maintains consistently high levels of testosterone, sperm, semen, and other male essences by practicing ejaculatory control will experience an overwhelming enhancement in his love and affection for his woman. He will also gain the capacity to act upon that loving urge over and over again.”  Good news for us women!

Aside from cultivating multiple orgasms and enriching physical health, another advantage of practicing semen retention is the ability to prolong the experience of sexual union.

The average time of penetration until ejaculation is between 2-7 minutes. Wow! Very few women that I know are able to reach orgasm in as little as 2-7 minutes, and thus are left with a subtle sense of disappointment over and over again.

If left unchanged, this may lead to a persistent sense of sexual dissatisfaction, and resentment between partners.

Most men that I encounter have a sincere desire to pleasure their women for long periods of time, but the urge to ejaculate can be so overwhelming that they are unable to resist.

By both partners knowing and using semen retention techniques together, the experience of sexual union can last for as long as you both desire!

The process of learning and communicating about the methods themselves, can be a fun and playful experience that enhances  intimacy, and creates a greater sense of openness and trust for you both.

Also, when the period of actual penetration is extended, it allows for a depth of emotional connection and spiritual communion that is just not possible to achieve in 10 minutes or less.

When a man is willing to retain his semen essence for long periods of time, it sends the powerful message that he is just as invested in his partners orgasm, as he is his own.

Semen Retention WITH orgasm, is a powerful method for cultivating physical/sexual health and longevity, as well as enhancing relationships by cultivating sexual communication skills, and ensuring sexual satisfaction for both partners.

In my opinion, a man’s willingness to practicing semen retention is an un-equivocal demonstration of his commitment to the health and happiness of our connection.

To learn several highly effective, fun, and easy methods of semen retention, and learn how to become a  ‘multi-orgasmic man’ please see our Semen Retention Mastery ~ Authentic Tantra Online Education Course