Acting Sexy vs. Being Sexy – Is There A Difference?

Devi Ward TantraAs you may or may not know, there’s been a whole lot of hubbub recently about little Ms. Miley Cyrus, and her recent “racy” performances, both live at the VMA’s, and in her latest video “Wrecking Ball”

Discussions have ranged from– “Oh she’s being so naughty” to “Freedom of expression!” to “She’s demonstrating female sexual empowerment” to “Stop acting like a whore!”

For the most part I have ignored these discussions, (as I believe my personal opinion about what Miley Cyrus does or does not do is largely irrelevant in the grand scheme of things) but being the nosy gossip monger that I am at times, I had to take a look at what little Ms. Miley has been up to… see what all the fuss is about.

After watching 2 of her videos, and one of her live performances, the same thought/feeling kept occurring to me – She looks like a “parody” of sexuality, but it doesn’t actually feel sexy.

Miley’s performances remind me of a little girl playing dress up, and play acting at what she thinks sexy “looks like”, but she hasn’t ever actually had the experience of feeling deeply connected to and nourished by her sexual pleasure, so she has no actual depth to call upon in her “performance.”

Kinda like when we were kids and would “play house”, and had an idea about “mommy and daddy” and role playing, but no real clue what the heck was really going on…kinda like that. We took our cues from what we observed others doing, but didn’t really understand the intricate dynamics of what we were witnessing.

Please know, I am not saying this not be nasty, or rude, or critical. I have the best wishes for Ms. Miley, I wish her much success and happiness. But that doesn’t change the fact that there is a difference between acting sexy, and actually being sexy.Miley-Cyrus-in-V-Magazine-1864494

For those of us who are deeply connected to our sexual selves, and unapologetic about our sexual pleasure, we understand that sexy is an inside-out job.

True sexual expression radiates from an internal knowing and acceptance, and can show up in a pair of yoga pants, or a fish net body stocking, and still rock the house.

But even more importantly, true sexual expression is not done as a “performance” for anybody other than yourself, and anyone you choose to share it with.

It is an external expression of an internal experience, and it needs no approval,  no justification, no thought really.

It’s just you showing up as you. 100% pure, authentic, and un-contrived.

In my opinion, what Miley is demonstrating looks more like a cardboard cutout of what mainstream/porn culture defines/depicts as sexy, and I have to say, she looks a bit awkward in the role.

It doesn’t look like she has quite “claimed the part”, and made the character her own.

Do I hope that she stops doing what she’s doing?

No, actually, what I hope is that she actually experiences the depth and profundity of her most empowered sexual self, and then smears that all over youtube, VEVO, and MTV as an example of what it is to be truly sexually empowered as a woman.

We need more real role models of what female sexual empowerment looks like- the mess of it, the triumph over the fear of it, the at-times loneliness and self-sufficiency of it, the nurturing of it and hunger for it, the heart-wrenching opening of it, and the compassion for self and others that results from it.

Because the reality is- if you haven’t lived it yourself, how can you authentically model it for others?

2 thoughts on “Acting Sexy vs. Being Sexy – Is There A Difference?

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