I recently read a very insightful article addressing just this issue, which broke down the libido question into 2 categories- 1. desire for sex or 2. sexual aroual.
Libido is defined as- a person’s overall sexual drive or desire for sexual activity, which would look something like- your partner walks in the door and you want to jump their bones.
This is an entirely different issue than one of sexual arousal, which would look like- you jump your partners bones, but don’t really feel physically turned on, have much sensation, and/or have difficulty experiencing orgasms.
From my perspective (and the previously mentioned authors perspective) these are 2 very different scenarios, which will require very different strategies to correct.
Libido – (actual desire for sex)- can be affected by a number of different circumstances.
Personally, I find that once a possible hormonal imbalance or deficiency has been ruled out, the top 2 culprits for lack of sexual desire are:
#1. Stress, and
#2. Relationship issues such as- unexpressed emotions of hurt and/or resentment.
So when a woman asks me about how to increase her libido, I typically answer with a question of my own which is-
“How stressed out are you?”
Our modern lives are filled with an inordinate amount of ongoing daily stress triggers, keeping us in an almost constant state of fight or flight.
Being in this constant state of high alert wears down our body, causing physical aging and degeneration of tissue, and contributes to emotional irritability and lack of present moment awareness (think inner peace and joy!)
This can leave us feeling exhausted, depleted, and drained. I compare this to draining a battery, and as we all know batteries operate on electrical charge.
Think of your sexual desire in a similar way, as a current or charge of energy.
If you are feeling drained and depleted by the overwhelming demands of life, you probably won’t have a lot of extra juice available for frequent sexual connection.
Unexpressed feelings of hurt or resentment also drain the life energy out of a relationship, so chances are if you aren’t “sexing” it’s because you aren’t saying something that needs to be communicated in order for you to WANT to be physically intimate with that person.
I also find that for many women sexual desire is more of an emotional impulse than a physical urge.
If you aren’t feeling emotionally connected to your partner, if there are walls and barriers between you, then the desire for sexual union can be almost entirely snuffed out.
Remember- sexual desire is the physical expression of our heart and soul’s desire for union.
If desire for sex isn’t the problem, the next thing to look at is the arousal factor, which I will share some insights about next week.
Do you have questions about your sexual experience?
Would you like to learn more about your FULL orgasmic potential as a woman?