Lots of it.
Just with myself and no-one else.
For 66 days at least, which depending on the circumstances could turn into more like 70, 80, or perhaps even longer. (Yikes…in that case I will be calling out for some special support volunteers in the area…)
So what do these 66 days of self-pleasure entail, and why on earth would I decide to forego sex with everyone else except myself?
There are a quite a few beneficial results that can be obtained by taking a break from external sexual connections, and the ongoing emotional demands of intimate relationships.
Here are my 4 fabulous reasons for flying solo with celibacy.
#1) Self-Connection- Relationships take time, and energy, and energy, and energy.
And so does everything else in life.The energetic output to input ratio for most of our lives is heavy on the output.
Culturally we are oriented to “filling up” our batteries by external means, i.e. relationships, food, social interaction, classes, work, events, etc. etc. etc.
We spend so much time focusing on what is or isn’t happening for us “out there”. Restlessly seeking, with that constant sense of urgency to get things done, get life done.
I recently realized the only thing that was ever going to fill me up, was me.
The only true freedom to be had in my life, was the freedom that I either did or did not experience inside of my own heart.
I will continually be dissatisfied when I seek my satisfaction from external sources, and most especially when I attempt to make my intimate relationships the primary source of joy, connection & pleasure in my life.
Which brings me to my next point, Self-Empowerment
#2) Self-Empowerment is the big buzz word for women these days, but what does it mean really?
Self-empowerment for me means; not making anyone else responsible for my personal & sexual happiness.
Which doesn’t mean that I don’t still have requests or desires.
It just means that my soul satisfaction is sourced from within, and I may ask other people to contribute to my happiness, but I don’t make them responsible for it, or demand that they be the provider of it.
Much of what we call “love” in this culture is just blatant attachment, and unspoken demands for this person to “fill us up” and make us happy.
I think that is just unfair to whomever we are in relationship with, and will inevitably lead to mutual misery and the destruction of the relationship due to resentment and impossible to fulfill expectations.
#2) Self-Healing- One of my favorite sayings, from I forget who is- “We can only go as deeply into another as we have gone into ourselves, and we can only experience as much joy as we have sorrow.”
We all carry wounds from life, whether they are great or small, whether we are aware of them or not, we carry around our hurts, pains and self-percieved failures like baggage.
Often we hope that this new life experience or new relationship will free us from ourselves, and we can let go of all of the shit we have been carrying around with us.
And, let me ask you…has that ever really worked?
But you probably keep hoping that the next situation, job, home, apartment, boyfriend will finally be the ONE to make you happy.
True happiness is an inside job, and the deeper we go, the better it gets.
#4) Self-Love-There is nothing more powerful than the self-love that comes from having fully confronted the darkness of your own soul, and felt the compassion that arises from knowing and understanding yourself that intimately.
To know ourselves truly, is to love ourselves completely.
And nobody can do that for you.
Nobody can love us more than we love ourselves, cuz we simply won’t let them.
My 66 days of self-pleasure are about me taking my relationship with myself to such a depth of intimacy, union, and soul connection that I am completely full-filled from the inside out, and can then share that with someone else, rather than expect it, demand it, or even need it.
Sure I can desire love, connection, & intimacy.
I can even ask for my partner(s) to contribute those life-enriching experiences. But a desire is a request, not a demand or obligation.
And desire is a universe away from need.
For my 66 days of self-pleasure, I will be using The 4 Principles of Self-Pleasure that I describe in my book which are: Movement, Meditation, Self-Connection & Self-Pleasure (i.e. sex with me!)
The sex with me is important for a variety of reasons, but primarily because most of our core wounding around self-worth, self-love, and self-acceptance is tied up in our sexuality and fear of sexual expression.
Unless we are consciously engaging that part too, we will only be able to go so far.
In my opinion, we will never get to the depths of full self-realization without actively & consciously engaging our sexuality, and cultivating our own sexual pleasure.
And again, we can not and should not expect our partners to do that for us. Nor can they.
Hopefully the result of all of this will be more than the belief that I am my own source of soul satisfaction, but the full realization and embodiment of that.
I can be the cake, and that way, everything else is just icing…which as we all know, makes cake even better!
What do you think of 66 days of self-pleasure? Let me know!
- Creating A Lifetime Pleasure Practice (deviward.wordpress.com)
- Excerpts from “Shake Your Soul-Song! A Woman’s Guide to Self-Empowerment Through The Art of Self-Pleasure” (deviward.wordpress.com)