How Tantra Healed My Soul (And Other Profound Revelations)

My Name is Devi Ward and this is the totally absurd story of how practicing Tantric Sex healed my soul.

I was born in 1974, the result of an inter-racial marriage. My father is of African, European, & Native American ancestry (otherwise known as black). My mother is half Polish & half Czechoslovakian, blond, blue-eyed, aka white.

My parents were married in Detroit, Michigan in 1969, just 2 YEARS after inter-racial marriage was no longer considered a felony offense in many American states.

I grew up in Maryland, New Jersey, and Michigan. My parents divorced when I was 6, and I lived with mom in predominantly white, working-class neighborhoods, while she struggled to make ends meet as a single parent.

I am what is called a “hi-yella”, my skin tone is very light, pale, even ivory colored at times. I burn easily, need sunscreen, and have sun-damage as a result of my negligence in this area.

My hair on the other hand is nappy, very curly, unruly, and a white woman’s nightmare!

Growing up, the images of feminine beauty that I aspired to all had long, flowing, straight, (usually) blond hair. All of my female friends were white, and boys liked them.

Even in 3rd grade, they were considered “pretty”, while I with the freakishly pale skin, nasty hair, and freckles was more than just an ugly duckling, I was a racial absurdity, and there was no one like me around for miles.

I was conditioned at a very young age to believe that white women were superior to me, and that white men were just plain superior.

My life experiences confirmed this belief on a regular basis, and the images of beauty that I was and still am exposed to, continue to re-affirm this culturally conditioned belief.

And then, something extraordinary and completely unimagined occurred. I started practicing Tantra. Sex that is. I started practicing Tantric Sex.

I started practicing CONSCIOUS SEX, meaning, I stopped chasing the romantic dream that had been spoon-fed to me through mainstream media as my “fulfillment”, and I chose to explore sexuality as a path of self-realization, self-awareness, and self-empowerment.

I began to experience levels of pleasure that were indescribable. I literally lost my mind, and entered altered states of consciousness, that were generated by physical-sexual-bliss.

I began unlocking emotional traumas that had crystalized in my body, and had severely inhibited my sense of self- confidence and self-worth as a woman.

Seemingly minor traumas such as; being described as repulsively ugly by these pretty white boys that society treated as young gods.

Doors that had previously been locked flew open, as a result of awakening to sensations of sexual bliss that are beyond description.

Beyond the rational workings of my conscious mind, into the as yet untapped depth of my subconscious, that which was hidden before rose to the surface, as a result of engaging the shadow of my sexuality …consciously.

I began to heal from wounds that I did not even know I had.

I began to reclaim sexual awareness… and awareness is POWER!

I wish that I could convey in words the depth and profundity of personal healing that has occurred simply as a result of practicing Tantric Sex.

It seems ridiculous, it seems absurd that SEX, SEX, conscious SEX could lead to the complete healing of wounds that were so deep and so painful, that I was unable to see them directly, and the scope of their effect upon my life and my choices.

What I discovered through Tantra, of all the weird and bizarre things, is that racism is a cultural condition.

It is a program that is introduced to us as a society on an almost imperceptible level, and maintained, reinforced again & again by mainstream media, and our cultural orientation as a whole.

Unless you are on the receiving end of the equation, you will never understand the effect of it. Never.

Just as those who have experienced the emotionally crippling effects of living in a culture indoctrinated with racism, will never understand what it is like to live  without it’s shadow.

As a result of unraveling my social and cultural conditioning in relationship to sexual acceptance and normalcy, I began to unravel a much deeper level of subtle programing relating to race and social acceptance.

As I became sexually free and empowered, sexually satisfied and celebrated, a much deeper level of suffering became apparent, and the ways in which I had been sensually repressed as a woman became glaringly obvious.

The ways in which that occurred because of my race became even more so.

The divinely beautiful irony is that, the catalyst for all of this epic growth was the result of being brutally rejected by one of those superior white men, that I oh so adored, but could never quite convince of my worth.

I was in fact “dismissed”, to make way for “the great white goddess”, a woman I would always and forever fall short, according to my racial programming.

Day after day I was confronted head on with the internal belief of my inherent inferiority.

For I am not white, blond, wealthy, beautiful, and socially well adjusted. I am light skinned, nappy haired, beautiful yes, but socially maladjusted, and definitely NOT normal!

I live on the fringes of society and have yet to experience social acceptance at the level of mainstream white society.

Nor do I ever aspire to at this point. I have earned my freedom from the mainstream mind, and I intend to keep it.

I am now married to a white man, who through his love and emotional acceptance, has become my best friend, and my healer on many levels. We consider ourselves “poly-amorous”, we have the ability to love many, not just the romantic dream of one.

This for me is another example of healing and empowerment, for instead of hoarding and owning his love out of fear of scarcity or lack, as my partners friend, I truly desire his love and happiness, as well as my own.

We accept that though we may fill many needs for each other, we don’t fill all of them, and we celebrate and uphold our individual freedom to meet needs for connection, expression and joy with others and in other ways.

I continue to find it absurd that the deepest most profound healing of my life resulted from the simple practices of sexual communication, eye-contact, genital massage, and semen retention.

It’s stupid that something as obvious as SEX, could be a gateway to such internal emancipation.

The profound absurdity of my Tantric Healing, is that my fractured soul and the depth of my wound was not only revealed to me, but HEALED through simple, effective, conscious, SEX!! 

I hope it will be for you as well, should you choose to walk upon that path.

9 thoughts on “How Tantra Healed My Soul (And Other Profound Revelations)

  1. Wow! Congratulations on finding love through self acceptance! I would really like to learn more about tantric practice. How did you stumble upon this art? Where did you have the best luck with finding helpful and accurate information? Any book (or other media) suggestions? Any info would be appreciated!

    • Hey Destiny,
      Accurate info. is essential. The best is to learn directly from qualified instructors. Where are you located? Perhaps I can recommend one in your area.
      Aloha,
      Devi

    • I have always thought that Tantra Sex was when you go into a meditation using; conscious, subconscious, and superconscious states of mind? Do you think that what happening? It sounds like you found your Self! Love and light Cynthia

      • That’s part of it. The way we practice Tantra at Tantric Arts of Love is fairly Wholistic, meaning, we use physical and meditative methods to cultivate high levels of sexual bliss, which in turn produce these altered states of consciousness. Tantra can be as simple as sexual education or Yoga, or used to enhance ones spiritual practice. Once we learn the methods, how we use them is up to us!
        Thanks so much for your comment!
        Aloha

  2. Pingback: Tantric View of Nonattachment, by Francesca Fremantle | minimal menagement (buddhaforever)

  3. Hi Devi,

    It’s so great to hear women share their story and the unravelling of ourselves and our awareness. Consciousness! What a concept. And even in Sex… YES!
    It is interesting to me that at about the same age, mid 30’s, I decided to discover myself through sex as well. It was always a taboo topic in my life, never to be spoken about or to be used as the healing that it is, outside of marriage. I finally decided one day that I need to know more about myself and that includes more about myself as a sexual being.
    As all the pieces unravel and I continue to become more aware of me, I am also very aware that I have always held the idea that we are to be free. Not hold “one” persons love precious or captive, but to love it big enough to let it experience the divinity in all its ways possible and to support that love and have it support me the same way. This to me is loving big, loving Tantra, and loving in Truth, not from a place of ego or possession.
    I am so grateful that we have met, and I look forward to learning more from you and Jacque about Tantra and just having more and more fun with life.

  4. How does polyamory work? I mean, how do deal with your feelings of jealousy when you want to be spending time with your primary when he or she is with the secondary?

    • Everybody navigates polyamory differently. Jacques and I make clear plans with each other, and our other partners, so it’s not a half-hazzard occurrence. Generally we attempt to plan our “secondary dates” at the same time, meaning we’re both out with other people, so there is no one home feeling lonely, etc. The other aspect is that I personally enjoy quite a lot of time alone, so I feel happy when Jacques goes out to play with someone else. I get to be alone, and I enjoy that immensely. Last part is- Jealousy will arise, plan on it. It’s also just not that BIG of a deal, we just accept that there are times when we are feeling insecure, or have needs for connection or reassurance, it’s okay. It’s okay to FEEL jealousy. Sometimes I feel angry, sometimes I feel happy, sometimes I feel sad. They’re just emotions, we feel them and move on. Or, if the emotion is too painful, then we have agreements around “the right of refusal” which is- no this hurts too much, would you be willing to stay with me instead?

      Every relationship has triumphs and tribulations, regardless of the relationship format. Does that answer your question sufficiently?

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